As the London 2012 Olympics are only just over a month away, we've been busy thinking of a few activiities to replace boring "sports" like curling (professional mopping) and fencing (sword fighting for wusses) in order to improve our viewing experience. Here are 10 things we wish were Olympic sports:
1. Chariot Racing
If you've ever watched Ben Hur then you know that chariot racing was as gruesome as it was awesome, so for two weeks we should just ignore all this "human rights" nonsense and bring it back. Oh, and while we're at it we should bring back gladitorial combat, too. In fact, why don't we just forget all this Olympics nonsense, give our athletes spears and have them fight to the death?
2. Call of Duty
There are more people playing Modern Warfare 3 than there are playing table tennis.
3. Arm Wrestling
Forget the shot put and weight-lifting, the REAL test of a man's strength is in the good old-fashioned arm wrestle. Arm wrestling has what most of these others sports don't have – universal appeal. I mean, let's face it, how many times have you and your mates indulged in a spot of curling? Now compare that to the amount of times you've ran around the pub in jubilation after slamming someone's fist to the table. I think we have a winner.
4. Track & Field
If you think racing Usain Bolt would be difficult, try overcoming the threat of premature arthritis by playing the NES classic Track & Field.
5. Speed Dating
The only downside to having this as an Olympic sport is that it would provide the French with an easy gold medal.
6. Extreme Hacky Sack
We're not entirely sure what this is, but all we know is that we want to see more of it.
7. Complaining About The Weather
As the Olympics are set to take place in damp, foggy London, this would be a sport that we could all get involved in.
An easy gold medal for Britain.
9. Sitting Down
People watching at home can participate, too!
10. Sexy Beach Volleyball
Just imagine it, gorgeous Brazilian girls rolling around in the sand together, wearing tiny bikinis… wait, that's already a thing? Oh.