5 Signs That You’re a Comic Book Villain

Worried that you may be an evil supervillain? Read on...

Paul Tamburroby Paul Tamburro

Did you find yourself empathising with Bane's cause in The Dark Knight Rises? Did you see him as a revolutionary rather than a terrorist? If that's the case then chances are you shouldn't be reading this article at all, and should instead be locked up inside Arkham Asylum for the rest of your days (or at least until one of the inevitable and frequent break-outs occur). 

Here are 5 other signs that you may just be a comic book villain.

 

1. You Kill Your Employees

Even though being the henchman of a comic book villain seems to have its financial perks, the lack of job security means that it's not the most well desired of occupations – if it's not some grown man wearing his underwear on the outside of his trousers trying to kill you, then it's your boss.

Comic book villains have a very odd way of rewarding good employees. Rather than offering them a bonus or a pay rise for good work, they instead don't murder them. It's not very conventional, but it seems to get the job done. If you find yourself offering your workers life instead of a raise as an incentive, then you're probably going to have to reconfigure your moral compass.

 

2. You Laugh at Inappropriate Moments

A surefire sign that you're a comic book villain is that you find yourself filled with the inexplicable urge to let out a maniacal laugh at the misfortune of others. If you've ever attended an open casket funeral and spent the majority of it pointing and guffawing at the deceased, then you should probably expect a knock on the door from The Dark Knight at some point in the near future.

 

3. You Had a Bad Childhood

With a childhood as bad as yours, there were only three roads that you were ever going to go down: drug-addled rock star, super villain or Lindsay Lohan. A continuous disappointment in your youth, your parents wouldn't even refer to you by gender, instead referring to you as "It". This feeling of inferiority has now led you to draw the conclusion that the only way to make ol' Ma 'n' Pa proud would be to TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Not entirely sure how you made that leap in logic, but there you go.

 

4. You're Physically Superior

If you're over 7 foot and have a hulking physique then chances are that you aren't destined for a job in accounting – perhaps you've already considered taking up basketball or professional wrestling, but the real money is in becoming a comic book villain. Sure, you'll end up in jail every now and again, but you should find prison life to be of no difficulty to you. I mean, I can't imagine the likes of Killer Croc and Juggernaut worrying about dropping the soap in the showers, can you?

 

5. Your Idea of What's Best for the World Involves Killing Most People in it

Many comic book villains seem unaware that they are the bad guys. Take Ra's al Ghul, for example: he shares the same thirst for justice as Batman, yet quenches this thirst by doing things that even a man who willingly dresses up as a bat in order to fight crime would deem a little extreme.

Whereas Batman attempts to restore good in the world by capturing criminals, Ra's al Ghul can't be bothered with all that and so instead eliminates whole societies before rebuilding them with his own vision. Similarly, if your idea of world peace involves you going on a mass-murdering spree, you should probably get in touch with the League of Assassins – they probably have a contact number somewhere on their Facebook page.

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