10 Things We Learned About Our Relationship With Porn From PornHub Insights

People really, really like porn parodies.

Bobby Boxby Bobby Box

PornHub is the arguably the most reliable pornography source on the Internet, thanks in great part to the website’s Insights channel which addresses everything anybody could imagine wanting to know about porn. PornHub also happens to be the world’s biggest porn-streaming website in the world, so there’s that, too. Over the years, the website has released some very valuable information regarding our relationship with porn. The most revealing of our perversions have been provided below.

1. We Masturbate More When The Weather’s Crap
This makes sense. I mean, when there’s nothing to do outside, you’re going to open your laptop and give your johnson the good old college tug. On January 22-24, 2016, Winter Storm Jonas struck the East Coast of the United States and porn viewership subsequently spiked. According to the four areas most affected, this is how people interacted with their porn during the snowstorm.

Boston saw the least impact on PornHub, with a traffic increase of 8% on Saturday; New York jumped 9% on Saturday and remained 8% higher on Sunday; Philadelphia saw an impressive 14% increase and Washington proved to have the most perverts with an average increase of 23% over the three storm days, peaking at 25% on Sunday.

13 Things We Learn About Our Relationship from Porn Hub

2. We F–king LOVE Kim Kardashian
We love to hate her, but we also just love her. Kim Kardashian’s sex tape is the most viewed video of all-time on PornHub (“by a long shot”), with over 93 million views. After the Paper magazine cover that promised to “Break the Internet,” Kim quickly became PornHub’s top ranked porn star, with searches increasing by 629% in the United States and 558% worldwide. The infographic PornHub provided on the starlet shows that every time she makes the news, her sex tape sees a spike in viewership. And she’s always in the damn news.

3. We Also Like Porn Parodies, Very Much So
As evidenced by those unrequested cartoon porn pop-ups and sidebars showcasing Ned Flanders demolishing Marge’s spoken-for genitals from behind, a lot of people like porn parodies. According to an infographic posted late last year, the most popular porn parody is “The Avengers.” This was followed by “American Dad,” “Scooby Doo,” “Batman,” “Star Wars,” “Family Guy,” “Game Of Thrones,” “The Wolverine,” “The Walking Dead,” “The Simpsons,” and so on. If you, like I, had no idea half of these existed, you’re in for some very explicit viewing material.

13 Things We Learn About Our Relationship from Porn Hub

4. Porn Viewership Dips On Christmas, Unless You’re Russian
Since the holidays are a busy time for all of us, it’s expected that people may not have the time to sufficiently jerk themselves off. Which was exactly the case. On Christmas day, PornHub saw a 19% drop in the United States and a 22% drop in Canada. The biggest measured drop was in Australia and the United Kingdom, at 30%, with Russia actually seeing a 13% increase. The primary device used for viewing was the smartphone, at 62%. Good on you, Russia. You keep doing you.

5. On Thanksgiving, We Want To See Pilgrims Go At It
Thanksgiving is an elaborate dinner with family or friends, but does that mean it could keep us from touching our genitals? Yes – kind of. But not much. Across the United States, traffic to Pornhub dropped a significant 12.7% on Thanksgiving Day (Thursday November 27, 2014) but increased on Friday (+8.7%), Saturday (+5.6%) and Sunday (+7.8%). But at least we were festive about it, with seasonal search terms increasing, like: “Thanksgiving” (+3985%), “Black Friday” (+2785%) and “Pilgrim” (+2235%).

13 Things We Learn About Our Relationship from Porn Hub

6. On Halloween, We Want Our Porn Scary
On Halloween, a holiday where people are encouraged to dress up, it’s no surprise costume-related search terms shot up a staggering 891%. What’s interesting is that viewers preferred scarier costumes over those most consider sexy. For example, searches for “Devil”, “Vampire” and “Zombie” were up 864%, 743% and 460%, while sexier costumes like “Schoolgirl,” “Superhero” and “Cheerleader” saw less significant increases of 267%, 236% and 162%.

7. Our Search Terms Get Romantic On Valentine’s Day
Though the holiday is very much about sex and romance, viewership still dropped on Valentine’s Day – but only about 2% in the United States. Hawaii and Nevada dropped the most at 25% and 24%, while cities like Kansas and New Hampshire actually saw an increase of 19% and 17%. Those who did watch porn, however, felt festive as “Valentine’s Day” and “Valentine” saw what the site called an “astronomical” increase of 41412% and 8204%.

13 Things We Learn About Our Relationship from Porn Hub

8. We Want To See Nuns Go At It On Easter
Of all the holidays, Easter may have the least impact on viewership, seeing a drop of only 11% worldwide (United States: -3%, Canada:-1%). What they did see, though, was an increase in religious-themed videos, with search terms like “Amateur Church Sex,” “Girl In Church” and “Lesbian Church Ladies” seeing increases of 2130%, 1820% and 530%.

9. Ladies Love Lesbian Porn More Than We Do
Apparently women like gay sex –- be it women or men. Pornhub’s Lesbian category is the leading favorite among the ladies, with Gay (male) following close at second place. Her top searches are “Lesbian,” “Threesome” and “Squirt” and her favorite porn star is Kim Kardashian. Despite “Lesbian” being a popular category for men as well, women are still 132% more likely to look into it. So guys, maybe a threesome isn’t that odd of a request.

13 Things We Learn About Our Relationship from Porn Hub

10. Pop Culture Has A Huge Impact On Porn Searches
It would only make sense that, with the aforementioned popularity of porn parodies, that the media and pop culture can impact pornography. This proved very true for the recent release in the Star Wars franchise. Star Wars-related searches saw its initial increase after the “The Force Awakens” official trailer was released on October 19, 2015. Searches multiplied 2.5 times the usual. In the days leading up to and after the premiere, searches spiked ridiculously, at a whopping 1854%. The top three search terms during this timespan, however, weren’t all that surprising: “Star Wars,” “Star Wars XXX” and “Princess Leia.”

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