With access to a camera at the tip of your fingers, of course you’re going to take photographs you’ll one day regret. Many of us already have, too, with no chance of taking them back. But for those of you who have somehow managed to avoid any of the clichéd, embarrassing or straight up offensive snaps displayed in the following write-up, don’t make the same mistakes these people (who are mostly me or my friends and family) did.
I don’t know why, but I’ve always hated this cheesy photo setup. Really, you want it to look like you and your buddies are staring longingly into a wishing well? Why not just take a picture of yourself riding on a unicorn wearing a feather boa while you’re at it? Even rock stars aren’t immune to its lameness. But at least they can fire their PR guy to feel a little better about themselves. (Note: I’ve maintained for years that I was tricked into taking this shot, but as I said in the intro, I’m stuck with it for eternity regardless.)
Wads of Cash
What was the point of this? To show you that I’d still be buried in this very same money years later? That’s right, those were student loans. I’m not even close to paying them back. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, shortsighted past self asshole!
Women’s Makeup and/or Clothing
Sure, it was Halloween, but I always keep this photo in my back pocket just in case my older brother ever pisses me off.
Keg Stands/Any Other Means of Pounding Alcohol
This one seems pretty obvious now. I wish I could say the photo was difficult to track down.
Passed Out Drunk
The keg stand’s ugly cousin. Really ugly, in fact. Boy, do I regret not intentionally posing for this one.
No, not the kind of Hollywood star that’s a person, either. The only way to justify these photos without looking like some nerdy tourist is to make a mockery of them. For instance, I once found the world famous Grace Jones star on the ol’ Walk of Fame and simply had to snap some pics. My friends and I were pretty stoked that it’s held up so well over the years, especially having been written in Sharpie and all.
Jowling, Planking or Any Other “Flavor of the Month”
Just let them run their course and observe. Don’t partake.
Bare Ass…or Worse
Then again, I’ve kind of made a career out of it. Plus, since this photo was technically a sneak attack on my little sister, it gets a pass. But under any other circumstances, keep it in your pants.
Strangely enough, this is the one picture on the list I’ve somehow remained innocent of all these years. But my friend Joe does it in virtually every picture he takes. Talk about living life with no regrets!