The month of October is almost exclusively reserved for watching the best horror films, along with some movies so bad they’re almost good. With that said, we’re running low on good scary movies to watch, so maybe it’s time we reboot some of the classic Halloween films. Or maybe not. These potential Halloween remake ideas will definitely ruffle some of the feathers on your duct-taped-together costume, lightly coated in spray paint and regret.
We thought we’d add in Troll 2, but there’s really no topping that.
Hocus Pocus (1993)
For a minute there, we really thought we were going to get a reboot of our favorite resurrected witch trio, starring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy. We’d be lying if we said we didn’t have some of our first manhood feelings towards Sarah Jessica Parker in this 23-year-old film, but then again the movie itself is pretty fantastic to look at, too.
Potential reboot cast: The female Ghostbusters
Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)
There’s a lot to be said about the importance of being Ernest P. Worrell, but then again there’s a lot to be said about bad reboots, too. While this stands as one of our favorite 25th-anniversary classics, it makes you wonder how well they could redo it, considering Jim Varney is dead and trolls are just another word for small people in politically correct society. There is no replacing The Varn, unless its with a woman.
Potential reboot cast: Jeff Goldblum, Donald Trump (as the troll)
The ultimate Halloween franchise that got a Hollywood reboot, or more so sodomized by the hands of Rob Zombie, needs a remake of its remake. Original director, John Carpenter, has reportedly come out recently, noting Zombie’s 2007 reinvention to be trash, calling him a “lying piece of shit,” despite the slightly more realistic walking speed of Mike Myers. After two remakes, we feel safe saying it’s time to bring Carpenter back with some original cast.
Potential reboot cast: Jamie Lee Curtis (and a hot daughter to pick up the topless scenes)
The end of slow-burn horror ended with the beginning of cheap-trick scary movies and parodies at the end of the 1990s. Although classic in its original outing, Scream has already been rebooted as a TV show on MTV, using a revolving door of cast members to keep you guessing. If we could slow it down and get some of the classic feelings back in this franchise, it’s worth a feature reboot.
Potential reboot cast: The cast of Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates,”only funnier this time
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Freddy Krueger is a staple character of any Halloween party. Now all we need is to find someone to refill the shoes of Robert Englund. While there was a 2010 remake directed by rockumentary man Sam Bayer, we don’t feel Jackie Earle Haley’s Freddy did much justice to the original. A big name like Kevin Bacon, which has been rumored as a potential candidate, might work, but we still like the idea of Johnny Depp manning the Freddy hands. And Wes Craven is dead so this idea is pretty much screwed.
Potential reboot cast: Johnny Depp, Amber Heard (oh, wait…)
Friday the 13th (1980)
The nearly 40-year-old franchise with a dozen films, including a stunted remake, focuses on the homicidal killer, Jason, who drowned as a boy in Camp Crystal Lake. The cursed waters were the playground for the original film, but the franchise has since gone off the rails. What we need is a solid reimagining, so of course I’m going to recommend Wes Anderson go of the rails himself and try something new. Because if there’s one director who knows about nostalgic lake scenes, it’s Wes Anderson. Maybe Jason Schwartzman can play a really short Jason.
Potential reboot cast: Julianna Guill from the 2009 reboot (she’s hot).
What if he wasn’t such a friendly ghost? With all the Disney classic remakes, it almost makes sense they’d do a ramped-up dark version of our favorite friendly ghost, considering the hype of Ghostbusters, a ghostly reboot that more or less flopped this past summer. Since we likely won’t see a sequel of that, why not reinvent Casper with a little less Bill Pullman and a little more Bill Murray. Christina Ricci can definitely stay, though.
Potential reboot cast: Macaulay Culkin with Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern as the evil ghosts
Idle Hands (1999)
This pop culture classic may have come out in April just before the turn of the century, but it completely screams Halloween, starring Jessica Alba and Seth Green. The film follows an idle teen (Devon Sawa) whose right hand becomes possessed (been there!) and ends up killing his best friends. Jessica Alba is, of course, hot and saves the day. Fun fact: Devon Sawa is also in Casper as Casper himself, so maybe we just need to start remaking Devon Sawa movies.
Potential reboot cast: Jessica Alba and we don’t care who else
Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (1988)
If there’s any live-action reanimation that needs redoing, it’s Scooby-Doo. While we loved the cartoons, the 2002 and 2004 movies were just awful. Pull out the plot of the classic 90-minute movie, Ghoul School, and we’ve got ourselves a movie! And the cast needs to be beefed up a little, as much as we love Matthew Lillard and Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Potential reboot cast: Not Freddie Prinze Jr.
Double Double Toil and Trouble (1993)
The Olsen twins were good for a laugh back in the ‘90s, but there isn’t much they can do for us now, especially in way of a Double Double Toil and Trouble remake. Who would want such an obscure remake when they could do Sabrina the Witch or really any other Halloween movie? These guys over here at Mandatory. Are your feathers ruffled yet? We haven’t even told you who’s going to replace Mary-Kate and Ashley to trick their evil aunt and save their home…
Potential reboot cast: Justin Bieber and Ellen DeGeneres as the identical twins