Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets compiled for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 11-18-16:
Her: why do you smell like women’s perfume
Me: [flashback to getting blinded and mugged by teenage girls] i’ve been cheating ok
— Jacob Swift (@Jacob_Swift16) November 13, 2016
when taking pictures with your bae goes wrong pic.twitter.com/k8ePevKtK3
— Elaina (@elainavecchio) November 13, 2016
“Tell me a weakness”
I get really nervous and say dumb things on interviews
“You’re doing fine”
Ok cool, wanna get high?
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) July 29, 2016
A story told in four pics pic.twitter.com/IwG1RcJ9Wt
— connor (@ConIsles) November 12, 2016
lmao at how this dude’s phone autocorrected however the fuck he attempted to spell “sacrifice.” pic.twitter.com/Qx2nZ5qqOr
— stefan heck (@boring_as_heck) November 14, 2016
Dwight Howard has played for every city that’s in all IG models’ bio.
— Cookiehead Jenkins (@boogeydakid) July 2, 2016
*wakes up and looks at phone*
ah let’s see what fresh horrors await me on the fresh horrors device
— Miss O’Kistic (@missokistic) November 11, 2016
Glad to see my mans moved on with his life and has a new job in corporate America pic.twitter.com/9UW7m6C67z
— Scoobert Doobert (@jo_holsey) November 13, 2016
Pass falls incomplete right in front of the Pats fan sign making fun of the Super Bowl goal line call pic.twitter.com/HREuR13U0P
— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) November 14, 2016
When trying to be sexy goes wrong pic.twitter.com/hY7JqG0hq4
— Darius Snoops (@wizzyjr) November 13, 2016
— caro (@gonetoheII) November 13, 2016
Burnt toast is just bread going through its Goth phase.
— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) November 3, 2016
“I got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes…” pic.twitter.com/N3iqQ3phnT
— father ken (@wavecapkenny) November 13, 2016
Yeah I think tf not pic.twitter.com/1Q4Pb7hJZH
— shannon (@_ShannyLeigh) November 5, 2016
“Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?”
ME: No, you’re still grounded
ME: Yes, that’s what I said
— Terry F (@daemonic3) November 10, 2016
When u carry all ur groceries in 1 trip pic.twitter.com/zkU86DuyrM
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) November 13, 2016
If you see a swastika, turn it into a Windows ’95 logo. pic.twitter.com/FmDpJtWfQ7
— Nasty Erin (@gibblertron) November 12, 2016
That is not Westbrook bro pic.twitter.com/ipOhYG97OA
— Lucas (@NotMikeTolbert) November 14, 2016
Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist.
— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) February 17, 2016
One of my favorite signs from this giant protest in New York City today pic.twitter.com/4fUG8Cn3g9
— Alex Leo (@AlexMLeo) November 12, 2016