This Is Probably The Greatest Hugh Hefner Story I Have Ever Read

There's living life to the fullest and then there's living life as Hef.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Playboy

You don’t need to conduct a study to confirm that if all men were asked at the Pearly Gates to go back and live their lives again as a different dude, 92 percent of them would choose Hugh Hefner.

The man who arguably lived the greatest life of all time died of natural causes at the age of 91 surrounded by his family at the Playboy Mansion Wednesday, and while I drank a beer in honor of him this morning, I also perused through some stories of Hef on the ol’ interweb.

Photo: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

Photo: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

That’s when I came across this gem at HuffPost that pretty much cemented his status as a god, in which we learn that Hef would regularly have Playboy Mansion orgies. Of course, that alone really isn’t newsworthy, but the fact that his “real” girlfriend would go first and then wipe off his dick after every other Bunny took a ride sure as shit is.

Per Hef’s ex-girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson:

“One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef’s room… It seemed like every other girl was going, and if I didn’t it would be weird. One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him… for about a minute. I studied their every move. Then it was my turn… it was very weird. I wasn’t thinking about how much older Hef was—all the body parts worked the same. I wanted to be there.”

hef

Even better, this is from ex-Bunny Jill Ann Spaulding:

“Hef just lies there with his Viagra erection. It’s just a fake erection, and each girl gets on top of him for two minutes while the girls in the background try to keep him excited. They’ll yell things like, ‘fuck her daddy, fuck her daddaddy!’ There’s a lot of cheerleader going on! The main girlfriend wipes off his [uncondomed] penis. She’s the girl who actually shares the bed with him. She sleeps there all night. She’s around 22 years old. He uses all the same girls. She’s been there for three years now… When it first gets started his main girlfriend gives him [oral sex], then she has sex with him. She’s the first to go because that’s the safest for her. No protection and no testing. He doesn’t care.”

Wow. Just a goddamn legend. RIP, Hef.

Thanks to Hef: 10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About The Playboy Mansion