I promise you will never be more thrilled to hear a sales pitch on a 1966 Country Squire station wagon.
Was it too much booze? A rebellion against ‘the man?’ A simple parody meant for friends? Whichever the case, Chick Lambert is the most epic yet un-heralded pitch-man in the history of car commercials. And he’s trending again on Reddit.
Lambert was a spokesman for ‘Ralph Williams’ car dealerships in the San Francisco Bay Area in the 1960s. During one spot for the Bay Shore Chrysler-Plymouth dealership, Lambert begins his commercial as normal as can be:
Folks you’ve seen it in magazines,
You’ve read it in the newspapers,
In fact perhaps you’ve even seen the owner’s picture:
Ralph Williams, the owner of Bayshore Chrysler-Plymouth,
345 El Camino Real in the City of San Bruno.
And he ends it in innocuous fashion…
So shop before you buy – Bayshore Chrysler-Plymouth.
But the middle portion may very well be the most hysterical yet honest-to-God car commercial in the history of television. Lambert eventually goes into a seemingly improvised rant about his “bald-headed pr*ck” boss who likes to spend his money on prostitutes and crap tables in Vegas. There’s also an ample amount of F-bombs.
There is argument as to whether or not this commercial actually aired. However, many say that TV commercials were all shot ‘live’ back then. And the laughs behind the camera during Lambert’s tirade are audible.
Rumors online say that Lambert was upset that his boss was replacing him with a younger spokesman, so he recorded this profane commercial before quitting.
The video’s description claims that car dealers would run several new commercials throughout the evening. By the end of a very long night, a dealership could pump out 20 to 30 spots. And many times alcohol would be involved.
SO is this Ralph Williams spot an outtake or greatest live punch-to-the-gut in television history? We may never know.
However, to add to your viewing pleasure, the transcript of the rest of the commercial is below.
You know it’s the big bald-headed son of a bitch,
The man that came to San Fransisco to offer them more for the dollar they spend:
The man that came to San Fransisco to rape each and every citizen in the whole San Fransisco Bay area.
You don’t believe it? Listen to me – I don’t lie.
Take a fucking car like this,
A 1966 Ford, a Country Squire Nightmaster Station Wagon:
Don’t worry about the equipment –
Imagine all the fun you can have in the back!
And while you’re doing it
Imagine all the money
That that bald-headed prick Ralph Williams is going to be making
On the car he’s talk –
Trying to fuck you out of.
Yes, the man who will take every dime out of the San Fransisco Bay area
And spend it on prostitutes,
and of course crap tables
In the City of Las Vegas.
I’m sure you’ve heard about it.
So remember this:
If you’d like to get fucked in the up,
Before you buy a car come down here –
Let Ralph Williams do it!
Why not? Why? Why not somebody else?
Remember our address is 345 El Camino Real,
In the City of San Bruno.
If you come from Marin County,
The East Bay area,
Or San Jose,
Your money spends just as well as anybody else’s –
And when this bald-headed son of a bitch gets a hold of you
You will spend money.
Talking about payments?
Five years payments of a hundred dollars a month!
You can’t get even!
Now check this out: Fake Car Commercial For Girlfriend’s Used 1996 Honda Accord Gets Insane Offers
Josh Helmuth is the editor of Crave Sports and a contributor for Mandatory.