New Study Proves Once And For All That Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats

Take that, Whiskers.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: DenisZbukarev (Getty)

Well, now we know why cats won’t fetch our damn slippers.

According to the Daily Mail, researchers at Vanderbilt University, which is of course the Tennessee school that smart kids go to, have come to the conclusion that dogs are smarter than cats because “dogs have more than twice as many brain cells in a region linked with thinking, planning and other complex behaviors.”

New Study Proves Once And For All That Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats

Obviously, the number of neurons in an animal’s cerebral cortex, which is “the largest layer of the brain and is associated with a range of complex behavioral characteristics,” is what separates the smart animals from the dumb ones, and in this case, “dogs possess around 530 million cortical neurons while cats only have around 250 million.”

It all comes down to those neurons, baby, as researchers determined the size of an animal’s brain has nothing to do with their intelligence. A great example is comparing a Golden Retriever to a brown bear. Despite having a brain that is three times smaller, the Golden Retriever is considered to be much smarter because it’s packing more neurons.

Of course, don’t even think about trying to explain this to the crazy cat lady in 4C who is definitely violating her rental contract by housing a dozen cats under her roof, as nobody – human or animal – will ever be smarter than her precious felines, even when they turn on her one day and eat her.

Probably the greatest study of all time: Women Who Perform Oral Sex are Happier, Study Suggests