Anyone Want To Buy A $37 Bottle Of ‘Raw Water’?

Mmmm, bacteria.

Bryan Brunatiby Bryan Brunati
Photo: b-d-s (Getty)

Here’s a fun fact for you all: Your local drug store sells the most generic bottle of water for 99 cents if you’re super thirsty. Hell, if you want to go all out they probably even sell a bigger bottle for $1.87. So why in the hell would anyone spend almost $40 on water? Well, it’s apparently “raw water.” Whatever that means.

It seems people on the West Coast, but mainly in Silicon Valley and San Francisco, are trying to “get off the water grid.” But what is raw water? Well according to Live Water, raw water is “unfiltered, unsterilized and untreated spring water from Opal Springs in Culver, Oregon, that has probiotic properties and beneficial minerals that normal water doesn’t have.” Oh, and they are selling 2.5 gallon jugs of water for $37. That’s right, kids, good old tasty shit water.

Here’s what the founder of Live Water, Mukhande Singh, had to say:

“Tap water? You’re drinking toilet water with birth control drugs in them. Chloramine, and on top of that they’re putting in fluoride. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it’s a mind-control drug that has no benefit to our dental health.”

Translation: I need money so buy this garbage water I got in my backyard.

Singh adds:

“Real water” should expire after a few months. It stays most fresh within one lunar cycle of delivery. If it sits around too long, it’ll turn green. People don’t even realize that because all their water’s dead, so they never see it turn green.”

This dude is quite the used car salesman. But how does this puddle of junk taste? According to Kevin Freeman, a shift manager at the store, “it has a vaguely mild sweetness, a nice smooth mouth feel, nothing that overwhelms the flavor profile.”

Yeah, we’re good with our bottles of water from CVS.

h/t Maxim

Soda water anyone? People Got Hopped Up On Flakka, Stripped Naked And Started Barking While Showering In Soda Water