How to Give a Lap Dance According to the Internet

because the internet knows everything, right?

CraveOnlineby CraveOnline

There’s nothing more seductive than a skillfully performed lap dance but not everyone can do it. In order to confirm this statement, here is a collection of various lap dance fails you can find on YouTube and it’s pretty much impossible to find out which one is the funniest. These girls are either quite clumsy, unaware of how gravity works, or just extremely unlucky. Either way, the fails you’re about to see will make you feel good about your own dancing skills and give you a chuckle or two. Take a look at our selection and let us know what video is your favorite.

Drunk Love

We’ll start with something that is quite obviously a bad idea from the start. If you take a look at two main figures in the video, you’ll notice that they’re quite different when it comes to volume. The guy (possibly) getting a lap dance has certainly skipped a few meals in his life while his voluptuous dancer certainly hasn’t. The whole point of a lap dance is that, at one point, the dancer sits on the guy’s lap. In this case, however, such an endeavor seems unfair both to the skinny guy and the even skinnier chair he’s sitting in. The lesson here is: make sure you’re at least the same size as your lap dancer.

Other Girls

Now, one of the most important things about lap dances is knowing who your one-man audience is. In the video above, we see an overexcited man kneeling down with his hands behind his back as if he’s waiting a fire squad and not a public lap dance session. The problem here is that both of these colorful characters in the video aren’t aware of the danger lurking nearby in the form of the other girl. You should always keep an eye out for a rogue girlfriend ready to charge and ruin the performance.

Different Sizes Part 2

We’ve already stressed the importance of finding a partner who is, at least, similar to you in size. The only thing worse than an oversized lap dancer is a morbidly obese lap dance receiver. Here is a video that can only be described as a horror show. You are free to take a quick look at it but we warned. The most puzzling part of this ghastly experience is how is this guy ever enjoying the show. Considering the size of his belly, she is certainly far away from his private parts unless he has some weird erogenous zones.

Animal Instinct

Now, imagine being so bad at lap dancing that your pet feels the need to step in and spare you the embarrassment. This is what happened to this young couple in the video. From the very start, you can see that she is truly horrible at it. If you just reverse into someone and stand there, it’s not really lap dancing. This brave little pooch spotted the disaster immediately and decided to intervene. All things considered, it’s safe to say that the dog actually improved the show, right?

Guy Moves

Normally, when you think about lap dances, you imagine girls being the ones that give it most of the time. However, that isn’t always the case. This YouTube video will show you that guys can be at least as capable as some of the worst dancing girls out there. You can’t say that this video starts off nicely, you can’t even say that it continues nicely, but there is no doubt that it ends on a high note. Just look at that dance near the end that doesn’t even require an audience. It’s beyond brilliant.

Now that you know how to give a lap dance, impossible is nothing.