Photo: champja (Getty)
You probably shouldn’t be getting married if you’re still in the engagement process yet getting your freak on while you’re on the phone with another girl, but to be fair, you should never – and I mean never – slice open a man’s beanbag no matter how excusable you think your reason for doing so is. Just do something better like sleep with his brother instead. Emotionally, that’ll fuck him up more than a cut nut sack.
Any crap, the reason we’re talking about sliced scrotums is because it actually happened in England, and believe it or not, the girl isn’t going to spend any time behind bars for doing it.
According to the Daily Mail, a 44-year-old Poundbury woman was so perturbed with her fiancé after she caught him “semi-naked on the phone with his lover” that she took her diamond engagement ring and ripped open his nard pouch.
44-year-old Rachael Biscoe caught her fiancé Trevor Camp on the phone with a Chinese woman he was “romantically involved with” on December 8, and the rest is history. A fight that started in the bedroom eventually spilled into the kitchen, and that’s where poor Trevor’s plum purse felt the wrath of Rachael’s diamond ring. The fact that he was naked from the waist down didn’t help in the protection department.
— Scallywagandvagabond (@ScallywagNYC) February 14, 2018
Camp began bleeding heavily and called an ambulance. Surgery at a nearby hospital was the next step, but the poor bastard’s troubles didn’t end there, as an infected yam bag would soon follow.
So what happened to the lovers after that? You guessed it – Camp, who’s also a transvestite, moved to China to be with that girl on the phone. Meanwhile, Biscoe pled guilty to “inflicting grievous bodily harm” upon Camp, but the good news for her is that she won’t be going to jail. Instead, it’ll be a lot of unpaid work, 20 days of “rehabilitation activity” and one payment of $420 to Camp for all of his “troubles.”
Personally, I’d like to think my stones are worth more than the price of two nosebleed seats at a Yankees-Red Sox game, but let’s hope I never have to actually find out if that’s the case.