Duke Nukem Forever isn’t very good. What were you expecting, Citizen Kane? Seriously people, the response to Duke Nukem Forever has been pretty ridiculous. If you’ve taken a look at critic reviews, you’ll see a majority of the top gaming sites savaging this game. Complaints seem to be heavily focused on the gameplay, the sophomoric and mysogonistic sense of humor, and subpar graphics. This leaves me to again ask, “What were you expecting?” This game has an epic history of being bad, incomplete, ditched, and, flat out, offensive. For Christ’s sake, they had a promotional event at a strip club (Full Disclosure: we attend and left without gonorrhea). If they have to ploy journalists with strippers, of course, the game sucks. Did anyone truly put their thinking cap on?
With this out of the way, my experience with Duke Nukem Forever has been much different than those reviewers hell bent on writing a review with as many synonyms for horrendous as they can discover. According to synonyms.com the answer is twelve (including… horrendous). Anyway, what I experienced was pretty similar to a viewing of the film The Room. It was entertainment of the lowest possible degree, with some of the poorest execution featuring the seams and the gaps that can only come from absolute failure. And, from that comes a certain schadenfreude that even the most professional of critic should be able to identify.
Instead of being mortified by Duke Nukem Forever, I embraced its badness. The opening level that has been the bane of so many reviews and tweets, is the perfect place to begin. Duke starts off in front of a urinal and players have to urinate into it. Following that, Duke is able to (but not required to) pick up a piece of s**t from a toilet and do with it as he pleases. After defeating the first boss, the Duke is then rewarded with a blowjob from a pair of twins. While I completely recognize the obvious misogyny and foulness of these acts, the fact that someone (or group of someones) found them to be appropriate enough, is worth enjoying. Seriously, besides Postal, in what other games can you enjoy so many uniquely offensive acts.
If you have seen the movie The Room, you should be able to recognize exactly what I am talking about. The Room is a movie so universally derided that hours of repeated viewings create the darkest of joys. I say that Duke Nukem Forever should be evaluated in the same way. Get some friends together, crack a few beers and laugh at the archaic enemy AI. Have a blast laughing at the vaginal level that Duke has to traverse. Instead of moaning and complaining about the collapse of our culture and the decade worth of failures making this game, revel in the sincere artistry of a really bad game. I promise that you will not regret it.
It’s very easy for gamers and reviewers to pile on this game because it is so obviously bad. But why waste your negative comments. Why delve into a universe of negativity just to pile on like everyone else. Have some fun with life, grab some buddies and enjoy one of the best worst games that you will ever get to experience.
*Side note: Why is it offensive for Duke Nukem to get a blowjob and to throw feces, but paying for prostitutes and then killing them in Grand Theft Auto is acceptable? I hope the reviewers that trashed this content as offensive did the same to the darkest parts of other games instead of just bandwagoneering.