Reasons Why She Didn’t Sleep With You

So you shelled out for dinner. You turned on the charm way. You opened doors for her like you were collecting a pay check. But no nookie. Let’s figure this out together. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

1. It’s too soon. This is usually the reason in the majority of cases. And the most frustrating part about this reason is that the waiting-game for each lady is usually drastically different. Some women don’t even wait until they're out of your car (and I call them winners) while other women wait until the third date, others a full month, other women wait until you’ve said “I love you” and yet others wait until you’ve had three fights. Ahem. So even if she’s ending the night with a G-rated make out, she might still be totally into you, heck she might be examining embroidered linens for your wedding reception (I know that’s not terribly comforting) but she’s not giving it up after some arbitrary point passes.

2. You did something rape-y. Let me explain. ALL women have been taught our ENTIRE LIVES that we could at some point be raped. When we first hear this, we’re terrified. And then we just learn to live with it. So, most women know that the most common form of rape is date rape, and most women have memorized “signs of a potential date rapist.” You, (my non-threatening, non-rapist reader) may have unknowingly done something rape-y out of  nerves, randomness or because you’re a moron (I guess there is also the possibility that there’s a rapist reading this… hmm).  Those things include: ordering for her in a restaurant (it’s controlling) offering her lots of alcohol (because it makes her more fun—kidding), trying to get her alone (so the rape can then happen!) and over-complimenting her choice of footwear (I just threw that one in for kicks).

3. She’s a spoiled, f-ing b*tch. Men, this is always a possibility. Some women just want you to take them out, pay lots of attention to them, buy them food, drinks and stuff and then deny you ANYTHING. It makes them feel empowered to see that flicker of disappointment flutter across your face. She gets to increase that sense of empowerment when she tells her friends how you hemorrhaged money and time on her and how you got nothing because she’s so worth it.

4. You slipped out your political affiliations. One time in college, I made out with a guy (yes, just once). Then, and I don’t know how this came out, he mentioned he had voted for W’s re-election. I was horrified. I was speechless. I felt swindled. AND I never slept with him. Listen, when it comes to politics, you might think you’re safe in the person you’re talking to, but you have no idea if deep down she hearts Ross Perot or some nonsense.