Embrace Bitchy Women!

If you can't embrace your inner bitches, at least embraces these outer bitches. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

Before you groan, roll your eyes and run take cover in our man cave, the next some woman with a Fendi clutch and teetering heels starts to expunge her venom sacs, here are some things to actually embrace about these tigers. 

 

They usually look good. Heck, they usually look great. Ever notice how the more foul a woman is, the better she looks? My point is that you don’t often see a roly poly lady pitching a fit about how long this line is. In fact you never see such a lady pitching a fit about anything much. But at least the hot woman on your left is willing to sell her soul for a last minute dermatologist appointment, and heck, if you were starving with everyone around munching on slices of pizza as you stuffed your feet into pointy platform heels and had to shuffle instead of walk, wouldn’t that make you a tad pissy as well? Wouldn’t a line three people deep just seem like the most insurmountable issue that pivoted on inadequacy?

 

They will tear your balls off, if provoked. Now while that might sound scary to some men, it’s actually something pretty neat. It means such woman is a force! She could rule countries! Why? She’s not afraid of you, or your ball sack, or any criminal charges from such a bold assault.

 

They support efficiency. Have you ever noticed how hot and non-tolerant of b.s. some women are? It all goes hand in hand with the relationship between inherent anger and speed—similar to how angry people often drive faster.  The next time you see a woman going on some how-dare-you-bitch-a-thon with a store clerk, a waitress, the old lady that sells jams by the side of the road, or some unlucky dude, really examine the situation before you place judgment. I mean, that waitress probably didn't move those drinks fast enough and that's just unacceptable. That little old lady that the bitch-in-question is screaming at by the side of the road could have labeled her jars of jam more clearly or been quicker to hand the woman her change back. Regardless of the issue, it’s usually in the name of efficiency.

 

They use the word fugly. Bitchy women have all sorts of cute colloquialisms to express their anger at a world filled with dunces and other bitches. The other night I was in the ladies room at a bar and I overheard one tried and true bitch (okay, it was actually me) talking to her friend, saying “like I would ever try to dress like that fugly ho.” Amen. Nothing quite communicates repulsion and superiority than a word like fugly