How to Write a Break Up Letter

Need a hand in cutting some relationship ties?  Check these out!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Why go through all the angst and woe of trying to be creative when breaking up with someone when we can do it for you?

We here at CraveOnline want to lend you a helping hand in breaking up with your significant other by providing you with some templates for the perfect break-up letter for you!

Let’s look at some classic examples:

 

“The Noble Statesman”

Dear __________

After months and months of our beautiful and wonderful time together, it is with a heavy heart that I tell you that I believe it in the best interest for us, as well as the best interest of the country, that we sever our relationship ties. I did not come to this decision lightly. Sitting in my study, thumbing through my copy of the constitution – it was then that I decided that this is for the very best. Remember what our late president, John F. Kennedy said, “Country first, p-ssy second.”

 

“Changing Teams”

Dear __________

Omigod, omigod, omigod! I HAVE to tell you about what Chrissy said last night at the Rave Bar. She was all like, “I love your sweater. Where did you get it, Abercrombie?” and I was like WTF, I totally got it at Express. WTF! She’s, like, such a stupid whore! UGHHHHH! Well listen, I’m going to GaGa this weekend with my personal trainer and I think it would be best, if like, we like told other people we were single. Okay, laterz! PS – I think I like boys now. Later betch! 😉

 

“Serial Killer”

Dear ___________

I cannot control my blood lust any longer. At night, my head pounds with thoughts of red, oozing life dripping from the screaming mouth of my victims. Who is the monster I have become? Is there a place in hell for me? I walk the cracked streets at midnight searching, hunting, and frantically calling for a way to stop the burning desire within my veins… to kill. To purify. The flesh and I become one… btw, I think we should take some time apart.

 

“In Pursuit of a Dream”

Dear ___________

Things are good here at the UFC Fight Academy. I got these wicked veins in my pecks now.  When me and the other guys aren’t training, we have contests to see who can drink the most Rockstar energy drinks before they blackout and piss themselves. Listen, this is hard for me but Tito says that if I want to be star I’ve got to get rid of all distractions. And that means you. We can’t date anymore. Sorry… So sue me… What? You’re gonna sue me now? How bout we step outside and see how fast you can sue me? I’ll crack your mother-cking head open! You try and test me in the octagon!

“Top Gun”

Dear ___________

I’m sorry to come to this but I’ve got the need for speed and you’re not in the danger zone anymore, babe.  There’s only one thing I care about – my F-22 Raptor. And my wingman, “Panther.” He’s cool. Not like you. He doesn’t care if I play Kenny Loggins all night long or stay out late with the guys riding our motorcycles. Don’t try and change me. You’re a MiG to me now and I’ve got my sights set on something bigger and better. Like being the “best of the best.” Sorry.

 

As always CraveOnline is the place to be for hilarious hijinks!