Superfluous Lexicon #7

Six words you may not have previously been aware of... and now you will be.

Zack S. Westby Zack S. West

After a number of complaints concerning the length of this weekly cavalcade of erroneous morphemes, I have decided to take the cowards way out. You now get six words every week. I hope you are pleased with yourselves.

 

This is a little unfair to Jingoism, because it really isn't superfluous, it's just gone into disuse. In fact, it may become the funniest sounding word you can't help but use. Jingoism is defined as a sense of belligerent nationalism. I know, suddenly, you realize there's a word for that. All those times that jackass in the bald eagle t-shirt was going on about how America is still the best country in the world no matter what is going on, you were looking for this word. Well, now you have it. Let's just see if you can say it without giggling.

Example Sentence: The innate Jingoism… pppphAHAHAHA goddamn that's a funny sounding word.

 

Unfortunately, I recently discovered that Harry Potter fans know this word, because it was also the name of a spell from the books. Well, Harry Potter fans, I have this to say- Congratulations! You know a cool word for a dumb reason. For everyone else, stupefy means to literally make stupid. Not, like, a lobotomy or anything. Just… to be dumbstruck. I like the dictionary.com definition which is, and I quote, "benumb the faculties of." I think the dictionary is making fun of us.

Example Sentence: The fervent dedication of the Harry Potter fanbase continues to stupefy me.

 

If the last example didn't already do it for you, fervent describes something that is filled with intense passion or enthusiasm for something. And to say it is to feel it. Seriously, say it. Feerrrrr-vvvvENT. It's like a one two punch of take that, world, cause I'm a'comin'! It's the English translation of the Japanese word Hay-yah. I'm sure that guy who punched Houdini to death said fervent when he did it. That'd give you all the extra power you need, baby. That's the deadly power of words.

Example Sentence: Take one more step, and I'll show you just how fervent I can be, bitch.

 

Okay, I'll admit most people know what this word means, probably. But if you all know, why aren't we using it more often? While it describes any small group that plots the destruction of anything, using cabal makes it sound like some mystical tribe of murderous warrior monks who have a secret war amongst us against demons we can't see. Not only do I not see this word being used on the news, considering all the applicable groups they discuss, but I don't even see it in comics. COMICS! Think about the myriad of applications! Are you telling me that cabal isn't good enough for you, comics? Legion of Doom is somehow better than cabal? I am so disappointed in you all.

Example Sentence: I am currently organizing a cabal who's goal is to re-popularize the word cabal. Join the cause at the Cabal4Cabal website.

 

Fletcher is an archaic word. I am not denying it. A Fletcher is someone who makes arrows, which as you can imagine doesn't come up in much modern conversation. However, I have come up with a way to bring this one back. Arrowball. It'll be the next big indie sport, like Bikini Football, or Poker. It's basically soccer meets archery. We wouldn't actually put points on the arrows, but you shoot the blunted arrows to knock down the guy with the ball, or the goalie. Suddenly, big Fletcher companies start popping up, teams get sponsored by specific Fletchers, and sports commentators discuss which Fletcher the star players use. And tell me you wouldn't watch a bunch of guys running around shooting arrows at each other for 90 minutes.

Example Sentence: I'm gonna say it, cause we're all thinking it. Fletcher is not a synonym of Aerosmith.

 

Heh. Okay. I'm gonna try to get through this. 'Cause nothing is quite as funny as poop. And that's what scatological means. Of or relating to poop. We in the comedy industry who enjoy using big words for simple concepts refer to poop jokes as scatological humor. I'd like to mention as an aside that the most terrifying thing a grown man can experience is the thought that he may, genuinely, and through no fault of his own, soil himself. That right there is terror of a primal, and scatological, nature.

Example Sentence: I hear much of the pornography that comes out of Germany has a scatological bend.