Gross! 5 Retro Ads For Slime Toys


Geoffrey Goldenby Geoffrey Golden

There are two types of toys parents dread. There’s the talking kind that keep them up all night with their siren sounds and insistence on being fed. Then there’s the gross kind that need to be cleaned up. Stick it to lame-o parents everywhere by turning the volume up to “11” on these ridiculous commercials for slime toys videos! The upstairs carpet will never be the same…


Masters of the Universe – The Evil Horde Slime Pit

“No one escapes The Evil Horde Slime Pit!” Unless, of course, you very slowly walked out from under the monster’s mouth, because the slime takes forever to reach you. Otherwise, no chance for escape.


The Real Ghostbusters – “Ecto-Plazm”

These children are as witty as the very Ghostbusters they portray in their toy drama. Also: “I’ve been gooped!” Also: why did they misspell Ecto-Plasm for the toys? Strange!


Slime Monster Game with Slime Compound

The loser has to clean up. The winner gets to bathe himself in Victory Slime (sold separately), which your mom has to clean up.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Retro-Mutagen Ooze

Since when do the Turtles have a “Recovery Room?” I thought they recovered by eating pizza in the living room and watching bad sci-fi movies. I guess you learn something new about the Ninja Turtles every day.


Nickelodeon Gak

The more that lady insists Gak is disgusting, the more I imagine her incorporating Gak into her sex life. Keep frowning, lady!


 Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!