With sharp claws and quick reflexes, cats excel at murdering mice and birds – when they don’t become morbidly obese, of course. However, what about objects, both moving and stationary? Can a cat successfully take down a toy helicopter or a pair of apples? Or do inanimate objects throw felines off their game? Let’s find out! 10 cats (along with a few cat allies) are ready to do battle…
Cat vs. Printer
The whirring sound might be what taunts Mittens over here, but that infernal computer beeping makes me root for the cat. After all, each beep is no doubt accompanied by an annoying error message, which always cause me to wince in pain. Cat, go all Office Space on this bitch.
Cat vs. Helicopter
“Wings that spin in a circular motion. A strange light. Whirring sounds. What sort of freakish bird is this that man has created? I must destroy it and learn more!”
Kitten vs. Apples
Hint: you’d be ill advised to put your money on the living creature, even though it has claws and teeth. Though to be fair, apples are pretty scary. Perhaps there's wicked witch poison or Halloween razor blades inside. You never know!
Cat vs. Beanbag Chair Filling
There is no escape. Everywhere you look, there’s just… more beanbag filling. It’s everywhere! Perhaps if you tunnel underneath… no! Still more beanbag. This isn’t a dream, but it is… a living nightmare.
Cat vs. DVD Player
No, this cat’s not reacting to the motion of the disc tray. He’s just a big advocate for Netflix Streaming, because they’ve got tons of DVDs worth of content for a low monthly cost. Also, it’s a known fact that cats hate audio commentaries.
Cat vs. Inflatable Cat
This reminds me of the Tyson-McNeely fight. If I bought the pay-per-view for this match up, I’d feel seriously ripped off. However, you’ve got to admire the savage quickness of our brutal, fuzzy friend.
Kitten vs. Tennis Ball
I would like to let this cat loose at a professional tennis match. In my mind, I imagine him running back and forth, from side to side, trying in vain to catch the fast-moving ball. The reality is probably that he’d hide under the bleachers the whole time. Oh well.
Cats vs. Bubble Wrap
Surrounded on all sides, what will our brave heroes do? Clearly, they need a new battle strategy besides walking around and seeing what happens, but sadly, in order to get to the Cat War Room, they need to cross another few feet of bubble wrap. Damn it!
Cats vs. Laser Pointer
This video teaches us two important lessons about life. The first is that life is futile. The second is that life is adorable. Bonus lesson: sometimes cats pant like dogs!
Cats vs. Treadmill
This speaks to the power of the treadmill. Not one, but TWO cats are batting at it, and yet it continues to live. Kudos to these cats for fighting the good fight, even if it’s all in vain.
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!