Every Tuesday you shall join me in Bar Fiction, a magical place where the world’s most strikingly beautiful stars come to drown their sorrows with simpletons such as us. This week we’re drooling over the sexiest woman in the world, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.
Me: (looking refined and immaculately coiffed): I see someone has caught your eye.
I think I’m in love.
Again? What about that pretty waitress you saw yesterday who you thought was staring at you?
That was just a phase. She meant nothing to me. THIS is the real deal.
What about that stripper last week?
STOP PUTTING OBSTACLES IN FRONT OF OUR LOVE!
…who is she, anyway?
Sigh… That’s Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, FHM and Maxim magazine’s sexiest woman in the world and all-around professional beautiful person.
Oh. So not much chance that she’d go with a regular Joe like me, then?
She’s currently in a relationship with cockney geeza Jason Statham, who would frankly beat you to a bloody pulp if you so much as looked at her twice. But by all means, go ahead and try your luck.
That’s an odd couple. She’s so youthful and elegant looking… he kinda looks like a potato with a face scribbled on it in magic marker.
That might be the case, but he’s an awfully muscular potato.
I’m just saying that he probably wakes up in the morning feeling quite conflicted.
How do you mean?
Well on one hand, he wakes up next to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and instantly feels inferior in comparison to her staggering beauty.
And on the other hand?
He wakes up next to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley with a massive erection.
I see where you’re coming from.
I don’t think I could live my life with my brain so at odds with my penis. But at least he’s a famous actor, so he’s got that over her, right?
Not really. She’s taking the place of Megan Fox in the upcoming third Transformer movie, and if it does for her career what it did for Fox’s then it won’t be long before she is a household name.
Cool! Hot women and Michael Bay movies! My two favorite things in life combined!
It worries me that there was no irony in that statement.
So what is she here celebrating, anyway?
Well along with being voted sexiest woman alive by Maxim magazine, FHM have now also given her top honours in their annual list of beauties.
Impressive. Who did she beat?
Katy Perry, Rihanna, Megan Fox…
Megan Fox? Awkwaaaard.
Especially when you consider the fact that Fox was kicked off the production of Transformers 3 by Bay, and has struggled to land a prominent role in a movie since.
I don’t understand why though. She’s got a great rack.
That may be the case, but her acting skills are questionable.
“Acting skills”? Who goes to a Megan Fox film to see good acting? You’re so gay. I bet you were one of those guys who waited in line to see Black Swan and went home afterwards and didn’t even consider jerking off, even though you’d just watched Mila Kunis go down on Natalie Portman. You probably sat there and blogged about the cinematography. Pussy.
I’m outta here. You can pay for your own Moquito. And FYI, it IS a girls drink.
NOT IF YOU TAKE THE UMBRELLA OUT BEFORE YOU DRINK IT.
Photo Credit: Mr Blue/WENN.com