Food Porn – Mac ‘N Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt

A new way of getting your jollies.

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

Look, folks. I’ve been around a long time. Very little surprises me nowadays. For example, did it surprise me back when Britney Spears shaved her head in an intricate dance of crazy? No, she was long due for a big public display of the effects of the gnomes and fairies rattling around in her head. Did it surprise me when Chris Brown decided that Rihanna was too pretty and not obeying him well enough the way his cocker spaniel does and decided to correct her? No, that pretty boy looked like he was consumed with self-hate for a while. And it won’t surprise me when John Mayer starts banging Miley Cyrus and talking about how her face reminds him of apple pie and how tight her… handshake is.

Now. Does it surprise me that Denny’s came up with a sandwich that is just about the same amount of calories as three Big Macs? No, not at all. In fact, Denny’s! You’ve done me proud! In fact, instead of calling themselves “Denny’s” they should call themselves “Restaurant that uses cheese with inventiveness and ingenuity.”

The Internet has been abuzz for a few days now with news on Denny’s latest sandwich (the Mac ‘N Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt)  or, as perhaps it should be known, food’s version of Hustler magazine. Essentially it’s a sandwich that ranks in at 1690 calories. A week’s worth of calories for delicate ladies like Kate Moss and Kate Bosworth and say, Shia Laboef, trying to be passed off as part of a meal (don’t forget the fries and a coke, y’all) to the rest of the world.

 

The sandwich consists of a beef burger with mac and cheese on top, melted cheese on top of that and then a “frisco” sauce  that resembles tomato goo. Oh and don’t forget that the bread is toasted and soaked in butter. Honestly, folks, my favorite part is the melted cheese on top of the mac and cheese as it strikes me as the type of excesses that made this country great.

Denny’s response, “With America consuming around 8.8 billion pounds of cheese annually, Denny’s is answering to the appetites of the nation by introducing a dedicated menu that celebrates all things cheesy,” said rep John Dillon.

Wow. What a considerate company. They should’ve said, with American’s eating more crap than they should, we decided to dedicate a sandwich to that trend that incorporates beer-battered bacon between two extra large pork rinds. Comes with a ranch dipping sauce, of course.