4 Unaired Television Pilots

What we could’ve had!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

I’ll save you the definition of television pilots; in assuming you’ve seen the first twenty minutes of Pulp Fiction

But we here at CraveOnline’s Comedy Channel have done some digging and discovered some television pilots that never quite made it on the air. And, for the most part, rightfully so.

Take a look at what could have been!

 

Ball Gag: with Bob Crane!

This Hogan’s Heroes star was struggling to find work after the cancelation of the show that made him a household name. As Bob Crane was fond of videotaping himself engaged in sexually deviant acts with multiple women, he found a potential outlet for himself on his “sex/round-table discussion” platform, Ball Gag. Though the pilot spread massive buzz around the entertainment community, the network suits at NBC found it a little too raunchy to swallow — mainly the part in the pilot where Bob Crane tries out an “Eiffel Tower” with a midget and a woman with one arm. Needless to say, Mr. Crane would go on to a long and prosperous dinner theatre and murder-victim career in Scottsdale, Arizona.

 

Pumping Iron with Chris Benoit

Former Canadian WWE Heavyweight Champ, Chris Benoit thought it might be a good idea to capitalize on his Adonis physique in filming his doomed pilot, Pumping Iron with Chris Benoit. Though he originally tried to sell the material to ESPN, the network rejected the deal because Benoit was unable to pass a drug test. Unfortunately for Benoit, his blood contained an unhealthy amount of anabolic steroids. Sadly, it was then that Benoit knew his TV career was over before it started. Luckily, nothing bad ever happened to him… or his family… ever…

 

Sculpting At Home with Heidi Montag

The Hills star and plastic surgery enthusiast, Heidi Montag tried to gain notice in the industry with her failed pilot, Sculpting At Home with Heidi Montag. Rumor has it that every episode of this reality series would involve Ms. Montag removing and/or enhancing a part of her natural body in exchange for a more “medically enhanced” feature. Ideally, the series would include a gimmick where in each episode, the show would pay for a “normal, average person” to be carved up as well. The network loved the pilot, but after the first guest star died while recovering from popping too many stiches after their abdominalplasty, the suits decided the show was too much of a risk. Alas, no show for Heidi… Sad Panda.

 

Charles Manson, Attorney at Law

Manson Family leader and general party organizer, Charles Manson filmed this courtroom drama in the late sixties before he was sent to prison for life. In the show, Manson played a no-nonsense criminal attorney that would do anything to win the case… including butchering everyone that stood in his way. Sadly, Network execs pulled the plug on the show before it could take off due to the fact that Manson had trouble getting most of his dialogue out. Even thought it was mostly gibberish and nonsensical phrases. Good news awaits Manson in the future, as producers have dusted off the pilot for a possible reboot staring OJ Simpson.

 

Keep it tuned to CraveOnline!