Israel to Palestine: “If We Don’t Reach Peace, Godzilla Will Kill Us All”

King Of The Monsters to destroy The Gordian Knot of the Middle East!?

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

Today Palestine makes its attempt to apply for statehood with the United Nations and while it's predicted that the measure will be uniformly rejected by the United States; Israel offered another perspective on why potential peace talks must continue.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke of unification with Palestine due to mutual interest.

"We are all children of Abraham" Netanyahu began "whatever differences we have we should speak about openly, honestly, and address them. However, our time to do so has been cut short. If we don't reach peace, Godzilla will kill us all."

Having made his appearance only four days earlier emerging from an unknown fresh water cave in the Dead Sea; Godzilla has begun making his way to the Gaza strip. The giant nuclear powered lizard is already said to have destroyed numerous small towns and principalities including the city of Beersheba.

"We are luckily no casualties have occurred yet. Only multiple tanks and power lines have been lost. But the Palestinians and Israelis must stand together to face this threat." Netanyahu continued "perhaps it is God testing his children, but the Jewish people have faced suffering before, as I know you Mr. Abbas, have fought hard for the rights of your people as well."

Godzilla was last seen in the Philippines having a brutal fight with Mothra, who, having just laid the pupa for her future moth children, felt threatened by Godzilla's appearance.

 Godzilla in recent years had struck a peace accord with its parent nation of Japan, promising never to attack again, quoted as saying"RREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH". It is popularly thought that Godzilla was enjoying his semi retirement. Until this past March when he ingested too much oil from a tanker spill near Russia's coastline and then, completely intoxicated, attacked Mothra's nest.   

Geologists surmise that Godzilla attempted to escape Mothra's rebuff and had found a previously unknown tunnel that led him under Russia, through the Middle East and out to the Dead Sea. Scientists are researching whether Godzilla could then be responsible for the shifting of one of India's tectonic plates, which led to the terrible earthquakes that has recently rocked the populous nation.

  Former Japanese prime minister Naoto Kan offered this possible explanation for Godzilla's behavior.

"Godzilla is like a bad penny" Kan spoke, head shaking in frustration "he seeks out nations with the biggest ideological disagreements and shows up to be an easily attached metaphor for the folly of man." Naoto cleared his throat before continuing, then speaking softer "And between you and me? …I think nuclear non-proliferation have really put the big guy in a slump. It's hard to be "nuclear powered" in this day and age."

At the conclusion of Netanyahu's speech, a visibly moved Mahmoud Abbas stood up in the U.N. assembly hall and walked toward the podium, meeting the Israeli Prime Minister's outstretched hand. Moments later, in an impromptu press conference, Abbas was quoted with the following.

"We, the children of Palestine, pledge to join our brothers and sisters in Israel, at least for this moment, to try and abate the oncoming threat of Godzilla. To that end, we will mobilize our army's ultimate defense against him, Jonah the Mechanical Space Whale."


While peace talks have yet to happen between Israel and Palestine, the sudden coming of the King Of The Monsters Godzilla has united both sides under their mutual humanity and need to survive.

Time will tell if the threat of Godzilla, the giant walking representation of nuclear violence, will finally bring both sides to peace.  

For more on Godzilla's involvement in world news follow my news ticker @cravesam

Original Sperm Whale picture from