As I sit here withering away in my human form I am witness to the most amazing miracle on earth: condensation. My iced coffee that I made myself thank you is currently sitting in it's amber glass, slowly percolating beads of pure water that drip absentmindedly down the cup, onto my limited edition leather MTV coasters.
I live a gilded existence.
If cold drinks are cold, why do they sweat? It's just because. That's all I can tell you. But water, the element that gives life, finds a way. Just like Jeff Goldblum told me it would. And I respect life, particularly my own, weak and feeble as I am. And my iced coffee, through the miracle of physics, utterly transcends it's form to escape.
To escape. To be free and live honestly. To love fully. To no longer be a part of my iced coffee that I made myself thank you.
Let's watch this helpful video to explain how condensation works, to gaze upon the power of word and visual together:
So water doesn't atomically shift through the glass!? So everything I've believed is a lie!?
I had thought, for at least the past 30 minutes, that water is able to shift and escape it's bonds, now I find that their molecular structure makes that unable to happen. That, in fact, the temperature of my drink interacts with the water vapor already in the air and TRAPS the water to my glass? Where's the poetry in that?
How am I to finish this incredibly amazing story about condensation? Do I spend the rest of my time ruminating on the nature of molecules as a metaphor for the definition of life?
No. No I will not. I refuse to turn course now. Not this many words in. I am moving ever forward. Not changing. Like that bastard liar "science". Geez, every time I try to make things even a little entertaining, science just wrecks it.
You know what? Screw it.
Cancel my book deal about "Condensation". And cancel all my meetings. Stacy, if anyone asks where I'm at tell them I'm "finding my muse" somewhere in the desert. This is total b*******. Alright, just close Microsoft Word and
25 Minutes Later…
It's cold here. Too cold. I'm now forced to write my journal entries via txt. -Sent from my Blackberry. Damn it. Should've edited that out.
Lauren finally left me. Once she smelled the Olde English on me it was all over. I told her I quit. Same thing I told my bookie. Just before I lost it all on "Got 2 Go Win". Stupid dogs.
Alleyway is pretty quiet at least. Two Teeth, that's the nickname of the guy I'm sharing a dumpster with tonight; he just won the John Cena Slurpee cup off of Diamond Joe at the Hobo meeting. Means he's got immunity from elimination. Should stay quiet tonight. Good. Good and quiet.
I don't know if CRAVE Online will get this. Hope they do. I'll tell them sleeping in the alley was research. Who are they not to believe me? WHO ARE THEY…no, no Sam. Don't be angry. Be like water.
Water. Beads. Sweat. No. NO. There's condensation on my phone screen! Get it off! GAWJEF+:)
35 Minutes Later…
Settled down now. Got one of my friends to let me crash with them for a few days.
Crazy how fast a human is forced to the dregs when tragedy strikes.
Turns out Tom wouldn't have noticed me unless I was screaming at my phone (and the element of water in general) in the alley next to his condo. He said I was in a cold sweat. Now I'm in a warm bathrobe. Drinking an iced coffee that I made myself thank you.
In the future I'll look at this moment and realize how wrong I was. Maybe Lauren will take me back. Maybe not. But when gazing through the chilly fog of memory I'll realize all my choices were frozen.
As if my life had condensed into this one moment, absentmindedly beading itself down the glass of time. My life is condensation.
I STILL GOT IT!
You can complain hotly to the author of this article by berating him @cravesam