Look, I know food fads have their purpose. They introduce us to new types of foods and new ways of combining and consuming foods to open our minds, hearts and stomachs. Spanish chicken and rice was a food trend in the 1970’s and hey, thank god. But so was the baked cod casserole, and for those of you out there who have never tried cod, well, it tastes like foot.
Chic-ifying fast food favorites. Do we really need mini hot dogs with a champagne and truffle sauce? What’s next, caviar encrusted pork rinds? I bloody hope not.
White space. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this, it’s when you order something, like say food or #12 on the menu and in return the waitress brings you an empty plate. Oh no, wait, it’s an empty plate with a large spot on it. Oh no, wait, that spot is the food you ordered. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
Nose to tail fish consumption. Listen, I don’t know if any of you guys have had the pleasure of this, but it refers to the phenomenon of you ordering what you think is going to be a piece of fish, and turns out to be Sal, the happy salmon, straight from the ocean to your plate. I’m sorry, I thought the reason eating out was expensive was because part of your bill paid the salary for the chef in the back, otherwise known as the dude with the knives, who knows how to properly gut a fish and cleave the heads and tails off. No one likes to sit down to a meal and start thinking about all the nice sea creatures that were so kind to Arial in The Little Mermaid. No sir.
Top shelf condiments. You know, this one really boils my blood. They’re taking condiments—something as basic as brick and mortar and they’re putting them in a frou-frou ensemble. Designer ketchups, mayos and other casual sauces are beginning to abound restaurants and grocery stores. And I give it all a big no thank you. Why? I don’t want my French fries to feel condescended too when I dip them in haute couture ketchup. This is a meal, it's not fashion week.