What Your Desired Mutant Power Says About You Part 2

Cyclops went out like a total wad in X-Men: The Last Stand...don't be that guy.

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

The X-Men are a pretty tight fraternity. I say X-Men and not The Brotherhood, because I hear Toad got into the latter one. Ugh. Toad. And if you think the X-Men will let you into their super team because of your powers you got another thing coming. Have you noticed how generally good looking mutants are?


If you haven't been blessed with good genes you gotta lean hard on your "personality" and that's what this column is going to help you figure out!

We've already covered a big slice of mutant powers before, but now we get into some really meaty X genes…

…I'd love to get into Emma Frost's X genes if you know what I mean….*zing*

Telepathy/Mind Control

What you get: Professor X style mind f******. You can bend anyone you want to your will, or possibly peer into their true desires and motivations. Plant false memories or trigger words like The Manchurian Candidate! Try it with your friends for hours of fun!  

What it means: Possible religious fanatic. Control issues. Doesn't play well with others. Pretends to be tame, secretly harboring an evil agenda. Presidential Candidate.


What you get: Sneak wherever you want! No need to blend in with the crowd when people couldn't find you in plain sight. Kitty Pryde (aka Shadowcat, aka My Girlfriend) would totally go out with you now too.

What it means: Possibly had denial of visitation rights with offspring. Uncomfortable with own self image. Seeks fulfillment by osmosis through stalking successful people. "Likes to watch".

Super Strength

What you get: The power to smash, lift, or crush any inanimate object/robot/boss you hate into dust/rubble/squishy pieces at will. The ability to lift several tons isn't just a uniquely male desire, see other "alpha women" ala She-Hulk! Except you're much prettier…and less green.  

What it means: Total show-off. Possible drinking problem. Desires to vent rage in one glorious hell-inducing tear through major metropolitan area. Gym rat.

Sonic Scream

What you get: You are Banshee! ( but not like in First Class, cause he wasn't even Irish, what a friggin gip…stupid Hollywood) You have the ability to produce high decibels of sound to shatter objects, or produce an overwhelming vibrational wave to repel anyone around you, or sing all the parts to "The Barber of Seville"!

What it means: Constantly trying to justify wanting a "sonic scream" to their friends on the playground.



What you get: Like Colossus and even Juggernaut before you, nothing can stop or injure you. You could be shot, burned, electrocuted, or hit with three semi trucks, nothing phases you. Would always win at roshambo.

What it means: Similar to Healing Factor, has an incredible desire to injure self unnecessarily. Likes to play the hero. Inability to protect own feelings. Loves cats.  



What you get: The ability to tell the future or predict what a person will do in theirs. Visions might come to you in spurts or at will, but you essentially have the biggest plot device of Back to the Future 2 without the time machine…make some sports wagers!

What it means: Perceived as a know-it-all by family and friends alike. Hate uncertainty, love writing lists. Futurist Hipster: "Oh, The Spinkman Project? Yeah, they're gonna be big in twelve years, but you'll probably never hear about them…"

Check back to CRAVE Online and @cravesam to find out more about our mutant future.