4 Things Worse Than Being Left Behind in Shark-infested Waters

Hard to imagine, but it’s true. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

Am I the only one seriously disturbed by this bit of the morning news? RJ Diving Ventures, based in Miami Florida, took a boat of 30 people to scuba dive in the ocean. However, they left behind two divers, who, when they resurfaced, found themselves greeted by a vast and soul-less ocean and the comforting thought that at least sharks were nearby?

Honestly, just reading this story made my heart pound. And I could easily end it by writing, "The Coast Guard is still searching for the remains of the divers." Luckily a yacht picked them up.

Let’s have some morbid fun and try to consider what could possibly be worse than this. Worse than being forgotten and left to fend off sharks, waves and storms, armed only with unwieldy scuba equipment.


1. Being left at the altar and then the historic chapel where the wedding was burns down, killing everyone.

So this is a triple whammy. You have the sting of public rejection, with the tragedy of numerous deaths and the destruction of a historic structure. This gives you humiliation, catastrophe and the misfortune of losing a building that was once a part of our nation’s history. Ouch.


2. Rescuing a sack of puppies from a raging river only to be eaten by a crocodile after you’ve just won a noble prize.

This one stings. You see, you have the glow of winning the Noble Prize, the anxiety of trying to rescue the poor, defenseless puppies and then the sting of agony and defeat as the crocodile chomps into both you and the little fur-balls. It’s a medley of triumph meets bravery meets angst meets frenzy meets gory annihilation.


3. Convincing your suicidal neighbor not to kill himself only to have him hammer a nail into your skull and nose and bleed to death on a packet of sandwich cookies.

This one has it all. You have the courage and inner humanity of reaching out to someone you barely know to defend the preciousness of human life only to have that human life push you over the metaphorical cliff. This experience gives you hope, shattered hope, terror, excruciating pain and the gross indignity of dying on a packet of sandwich cookies, perhaps the most generic cookie available.


4. Walking in on a member of the Hell’s Angels biker gang in the bathroom while at a Neil Diamond concert and having him cut you up with a nail file and stuff your body parts into the tiny little trunk on his Harley.  

I wouldn’t wish this one on my worst enemy. This situation gives you the confusion and embarrassment of walking in on someone in the bathroom, the terror and pain of being assaulted and then maimed, sheer unease as you wonder how clean that nail file was, and the inability of your family and friends to give you a proper burial as your body parts are probably somewhere in Wichita. The worst part is that your soul will forever have unrest, as you’ll never understand what this biker was doing at a Neil Diamond concert.