I almost vomited in my own mouth reading the news this morning—find out why. Apparently a sandwich shop in Eugene, Oregon hosted a ranch dressing drinking contest recently. (I need to write this quickly to combat the encroaching level of bile in my throat). The winner drank around 32 ounces of ranch in 20 seconds and won $300 dollars.
What is it that I find so gross about drinking ranch dressing? Is it the resemblance to certain bodily fluids? Is it the resemblance to glue?
Regardless, I’m willing to accept that I’m just uptight.
So here I’ve found a few more examples of depravity. You readers decide—grosser than the ranching drinking orgy or less gross. It’s your call.
Remember 1992 when sewer workers in Alexandria, Indiana pulled a 200 lbs hairball from a manhole, thus explaining the city’s mysterious sewer problems. One sewer worker thought it was a goat. This made the city famous, for a while. Grosser or less gross?
Basically this town had Cousin Itt down in the sewer.
Apparently, the New jersey state fair has an annual pigs feet eating contest. I know, I know, you’re probably shocked that a classy state like New Jersey would deign to do something like that. The last winner ate 3 pounds of pigs feet in 10 minutes. Just let that sink in. Grosser or less gross?
Those are the feet, pickled and salted, that the winner ate. 3 pounds. of them.
Ok, I’ll admit that to some this will be gross, but to others it will just seem wacky. In Laguna Niguel, CA during the second Saturday in July, people head over to the chain link fence near the Mugs Away Saloon along the railroad tracks. Then everyone has a nice old time mooning the passing Amtrack trains that speed through. And then—get this—when it gets dark, they moon by flashlight????! Wow, that’s a strong commitment to mooning. I mean, a less-committed mooner would just moon during the day and then go home for a sandwich and some TV. Not these people. They are all about butt cheeks in the pale moonlight. Grosser or less gross?
Mac N’ Bugs
I wanted to add this one myself, as one of my college friends swore he did this. He was starving and broke and found an old box of Mac N’ Cheese on an empty, forgotten cabinet shelf. He made the mac n’ cheese and upon pouring out the boiled water of the noodles, discovered tiny bugs to be peppered all around them. Hungry, he strained out all the bugs and then resumed preparing the noodles as normal. To me it wasn’t that nuts or gross, and when a guy’s hungry, he’s hardly going to throw out food that’s right in front of him. However, to others, this is gag-worthy. What do you think? Grosser or less gross?