Hot Dog! In your face, Tiger!

Call it ballsy, crazy or performance art—this rules. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

I would like to dedicate this article to Brandon Kelly of Petaluma, California. You seem perhaps a tad unbalanced, like a walnut factory on wheels and I just love it.

For those of you who are not in tune with food-flying news, Kelly chucked a hot dog at Tiger Woods on Sunday October 10th at the Open. There’s a video of him doing it, but honestly it doesn’t look like anything. To me, it gleefully reminds me of when that Iraqi journalist threw a shoe at George W. That was one of history’s shining moments; yes, we can!

Let me count the ways I think Kelly is both hilarious and awesome. It goes without saying that I will be first in line to purchase the pithily-worded t-shirt in his honor.

He’s a man.

Listen, with all of Tiger Woods’ dogging, you would think that if anyone was going to toss an object at his head , it would be a woman. Particularly with a phallic shaped piece of food, you’d expect a woman to break the weiner in half and then toss it at him.

It was a hot dog.

Call me a nutter, or call me right-on-the-money, but I think Brandon Kelly has a lot of raw comedic talent that could use exploring. There’s something just funnier and more absurd about a hot dog than a hamburger. It has a funny shape. It boings in the air. These are all nuances that fine comedic mind can pick up on.

He cites Gosling’s Drive as motivator.

Wow. This just keeps getting better. So he watches a movie about a hunky get-away driver and that makes him want to fling a weiner at the head of a pro-golfer? It’s so silly that you just have to love it. That’s like saying, “watching Braveheart made me want to smear my body with strawberry ice cream and rub up against Charlie Sheen.” Huh?

He got off scott-free.

Yes, he was arrested and detained, to give the whole event a bit of drama and pizzazz. And then they… let him go. If I had been there I would have high-fived him. Why? Because this is going to inspire a host of other inspired fools to stick it to celebrities via snack foods. I look forward to the day I see someone chuck a handful of candy corn at Madonna or throw a sno-cone at Schwarzenegger.