Why I Want to be Reincarnated as George Clooney

In a youth-centric world, Clooney has made being single and gray-haired and childless the coolest thing since the carpet sweeper.

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

I’ve always said this: next time around I’m coming back as a dude. I have my reasons. If you want to know what they are, find me on twitter and we’ll discuss. However, since the readership of this section is largely male, you guys probably know the perks of being the gender you are.

But my specific genie-wish is to come back as Clooney.

Let’s explore why.

No woman has thrown a drink in his face.

I feel pretty confident in saying this. I think if a woman had thrown a drink in his face in the last few years, we would have heard about it. You have to hand it to him—he definitely does go through a barrage of women and no one seems to get their feathers seriously ruffled. I don’t know if it’s that he so smoothing talking he can end relationships with grace or he’s such a nightmare to date, women are happy to move on after a while. Either is kind of neat.

He looks damn good.

He’s fifty. You know who else is fifty? My dad ten years ago. And he didn’t look that good. Enough said.

He could run for President and America would be down for it.

Sure not everyone. But there are a lot of people in this country nostalgic for the Reagan era of Hollywood meets the White House. The fact he’d have so many people backing him… that says quite a bit—about us and him.

He’s made an art out of having disposable relationships.

I know—this is a little repetitive. But I really feel we have to hand it to him—he has short lived relationships with extremely hot women in succession. He appears to part amicably with them and then move onto others, topping each one with someone younger and hotter. I think he should write a book or start an online course. Seriously. 


He does commercials for Nespresso overseas and no one in America mocks him for it.

Do people really not know that just over the pond he’s the golden boy for Nespresso? That he shakes his cookies for a very cheesy extra income? It’s hilarious.