At the bar with… Mark Zuckerberg

Facebook! I mean that's pretty much all this guy is good for.

Nash Herringtonby Nash Herrington

Every Friday you will join me in Bar Fiction, a magical place where the rich, famous and/or beautiful come to drown their sorrows after a long week spent in the spotlight. This week we’re joined by Facebook founder and hoody-wearing billionaire Mark Zuckerberg.


You: Ha ha. Look at that nerd sitting at the bar.

Me:  Where?

You:  The sweaty guy in the hoody, drinking an Appletini.

Me:  Err… I don’t know how to tell you this, but that “nerd” created Facebook.

You:  Wait… that’s Jesse Eisenberg?! Oh man, I loved him in Zombieland!

Me:  No, he’s not Jesse Eisenberg. He’s Mark Zuckerberg. You do understand the concept of movies, right?

You:  Where’s Spider-Man?

Me:  No, not Spider-Man, that was Jesse Eisenberg’s co-star Andrew Garfield. He’s playing Spider-Man in a fictional motion picture.


Me:  …

You:  …?

Me:  Let’s move on.

You:  Imagine a world without Facebook.

Me:  A world without the instant validation gained from having 3 people you barely know “Like” a status concerning your choice of sandwich for lunch is one that I do not want to be a part of.

You:  Was that sarcasm?

Me:  No, not at all.

You:  Was that sarcasm, too?

Me:  Nope.

You:  You don’t have to be all cynical about Facebook. It’s a lot more than just people talking about sandwiches, y’know.

Me:  Oh really?

You:  Yeah, really. Jesse Eisenberg has done a lot more than just allowing people to talk about what they’re eating.

Me:  So what do you use Facebook for, then?

You:  …Lots of things.

Me:  Such as?

You:  Just… things. Lots of them.

Me:  You’ve got your phone on you, right? Why don’t you log onto Facebook and read me your last 3 status updates.

You:  Nu-uh, not a chance.

Me:  Well, that’s a shame considering you left it on the table and I’m already scrolling through it right now.

You:  …

Me:  “October 20th, 02.00: Just in the cab on the way home from the club…”

You:  See, that’s not so bad. At least I didn’t talk about food.

Me:  “…on the way home from the club and I’m hungry. What should I eat when I get back home guys? LOL”

You:  That’s just a coincidence.

Me:  “October 20th, 10.00: Soooooooooo hungover. Does any1 wna cook me sum breakfast?!?!1!?”

You:  C’mon, gimme my phone back now…

Me:  “October 21st, 19.00: At the bar with the dude who made Facebook. Gna ask him what Bill Murray is like in real life! LOL”

You:  That’s enough now.

Me:  OK, you can have it back.

You:  Thank you.

Me:  …You should totally go and ask him what Bill Murray is like, though.

You:  You think?

Me:  Yeah! What could possibly go wrong?

You:  You’re right! Y’know what, I’m gonna go do that right now!


2 minutes later…


Me:  So, how did it go?

You:  I don’t wanna talk about it.

Me:  Not good, huh?

You:  I DON’T wanna talk about it.

Me: It’s OK, buddy. D’you want another drink?

You: Yeah. I prefer Michael Cera anyway.


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