Suffering from obscure Facebook status updates? It’s annoying. Egocentric. And lame. There’s a solution for that, and the solution is right here. Decoding the Facebook: Halloween Edition.
Take a look at some of our favorite Facebook statii and see if you can’t find out what your friends are trying to say!
Mike (about an hour ago): Heading to TJ’s for Halloween! Throw on your best costume and come along!
What they’re really saying: “Ok f-ckers, we have 3 yes’s, 5 maybe’s, and 183 no’s for on the Facebook invite for this thing. I WILL NOT spend another Halloween with TJ and his little brother watching Evil Dead. C’mon! TJ needs this party! He’s been down in the dumps since he got meningitis. “
Carrie: (yesterday): Found the perfect costume!
What they’re really saying: “Last year was a sexy bank robber, the year before was a sexy nurse, this year I’m going all out… sexy diabetic.”
Kyle (a few moments ago): What the heck. I want to be remembered as the “cool” guy in the neighborhood. Full-sized Snickers bars for everyone!
What they’re really saying: “I’m going to be sniffing some bicycle seats on Halloween!”
Chad (two hours ago): Alex, Dan, Josh, and I are all putting our finishing touches on our Clockwork Orange costumes!
What they’re really saying: “It took a while to find four 4XL codpieces, but it worked!”
Rachel (wednesday): Pumpkin carving with my niece!
What they’re really saying: “I used to be the cute pumpkin carving kid. Sometimes I want to take that dull shitty knife and jab her in the ear. “
Dan (yesterday): Going out as one of the iPod commercial dancers!
What they’re really saying: “Or at least that’s what I’m telling everyone. I’m actually going in blackface.”
Christy (a few moments ago): Halloween Jello Shots TONIGHT!!!
What they’re really saying: “Nikki and I are gonna get sooooo drunk at the pre-game. I’m going to look so hot dressed as Kim Kardashian, and then I’m going to tempt a guy with a blowie and start crying halfway through because I have daddy problems. I f-cking love Halloween!”
Max (two days ago): Shared a link: “FOX NEWS IS AGAINST HALLOWEEN”
What they’re really saying: Someday being liberal is going to make me attractive to women… someday.
Lance (friday): if u liek Paranorml Activity ur a loser.
What they’re really saying: “I wuz molestd bi a ghst.”
Happy Halloween from CRAVE Online!