10 Retro Ads For Toys “R” Us

It’s the biggest toy store there is! (No sh*t!)

Geoffrey Goldenby Geoffrey Golden

“I don’t wanna grow up, cause if I did, I wouldn’t be a Toys ‘R’ Us kid.” Turns out, being an adult is pretty cool, what with the drinking, the partying and the sex. Still, it’s fun to take a trip down memory lane, when a giant, florescent-lit warehouse of plastic amusements brought so much joy into our lives…

 

Toys “R” Us – Robot

Oh, I was wondering what the world’s greatest robot was like.

 

Toys “R” Us – Lil’ Urkel

That’s a young Jaleel White in this commercial. Though sadly, he’s not asking if anyone for cheese.

 

Toys “R” Us – Nintendo Dream

Winning the Super Bowl vs. owning an NES? That is a tough call.

 

Toys “R” Us – Grand Opening

Geoffrey Giraffe sure did a lot of coke in the 80s.

 

Toys “R” Us – Sectaurs and Rainbow Brite

So… will the Sectaurs battle Rainbow Brite? Otherwise, I’m out.

 

Toys “R” Us – Atari 2600

He later went on to invent the Human Centipede.

 

Toys “R” Us Time of Year

If you’re spending Christmas at home with your family, you’re doing it wrong. Buy toys!

 

Toys “R” Us – Teddy Ruxbin

This is the story of a little girl who went on a magical journey to spend her parents’ money.

 

Toys “R” Us – Nintendo World

Looking for an NES transports you into the Mushroom Kingdom? AWESOME.

 

Toys “R” Us – Adults Are Essentially Kids

See: fat man with hula hoop.

 

Looking for a hilarious Christmas gift? Geoffrey Golden suggests picking up an issue of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans! Header via.