Decoding the Facebook: New Year’s Edition

Suffering from obscure Facebook status updates this Holiday season? Find out what your friends are really trying to say!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Make a change for 2012: Stop hiding behind obscure Facebook posts and just say what you really mean.

Chances are, that’s not going to happen any time soon. But luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a useful guide to help you figure out what your Facebook friends are really trying to say. 

We've provided you with a couple of examples. Take a look: 


Sam (about an hour ago): Goodbye 2011, hello 2012!

What they’re really trying to say: “2 DUIs, Domestic Battery, and attempted Homicide. It’s tough being a dad.”


Karen (yesterday): NYE party tonight! I finally get to wear the boobie dress!

What they’re really saying: “I’ve got my date-rape paperwork already filled out, boys.”


Steve (6 hours ago): What a year this has been. Looking forward to new beginnings.

What they’re really saying: “F-ck you, Green Lantern movie.”


Mike (two days ago): New Year’s Eve FOOTBALL baby!

What they’re really saying: “I was invited to zero parties.”


Mary (moments ago): Steve and I have been dating for 8 years!

What they’re really saying: “If that son-of-a-bitch doesn’t get down on a knee, I’m going to cut his wang off”


Jose (days ago): Way too much new years fun… ugh…

What they’re really saying: “I drunkenly pressed my penis up against the window at a upscale restaurant.”


Rick (yesterday): I’ve never kissed anyone at midnight, but maybe tonight’s the night ! J

What they’re really saying: “Watch out Denny’s, here comes Rick.”


Rachel (two days ago): Snacks? Check. Drinks? Check. Party hats? Check. This party is going to be off the chain.

What they’re really saying: “Please god, don’t let me sleep with another neighbor on new years.”


Bobby (moments ago): Baby’s first NYE!

What they’re really saying: “One year ago, I was inside your mother. “


Happy Holidays from CRAVE!