You hear a lot about how trees give us life and help us breath, but what you don’t hear enough of is how pompous and self-righteous those tall, leafy bastards are. Trees need to be taken down a notch, and I don’t mean carving a notch in them with a pocket knife. I’m talking mano a mano takedowns. But when you tangle with a tree, sometimes you get a face full of bark and a trip to the forest hospital.
What the video doesn’t show: the tree hitting on his girlfriend.
He should have quit while he was ahead.
Fact: trees hate bikers.
Never doubt the motivational power of Rob Schneider catch phrases.
Walk it off.
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor-In-Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!