Decoding the Facebook: Inspiration

A guide to what your friends are really  trying to say!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

It’s late. You’ve had a long day at work. You click on Facebook. What do you find? Dumbass obscure updates by your friends and family.

Everyone thinks they’re so f*cking clever. They copy and paste some quote they found in some forwarded email and slap it up on their Facebook thinking they’re so original.

That’s not the case.  We here at CRAVE have come up with a useful guide as to what your friends are really trying to say!


Dan (about an hour ago): “The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed.”

What they’re really saying: “I’m going to finish this Boba Fett costume if it’s the last thing I do!”


Steph (yesterday): “The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.”

What they’re really saying: “I’ve got this great idea for a litter box that plays MP3s.”


Mike (moments ago): “Impatience never commanded success.”

What they’re really saying: “I swear to god, if my parents don’t leave the house soon, I’m going to masturbate anyways.”


Rachel (Tuesday): “You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.”

What they’re really saying: “I know I shouldn’t, but damnit, I’m going to magic camp.”


Forrest (about an hour ago): “What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

What they’re really saying: “I hit a kid with my car last night and ditched the body in the woods.”


Dave (two hours ago): “He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.”

What they’re really saying: “I crapped my pants twice, but I finished an entire fifth of Southern Comfort!”


Cindy (yesterday): “Do not follow where the path may lead.  Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

What they’re really saying: “Come tomorrow, I will be the first woman in history to get a Scrooge McDuck vagina tattoo.”


Sam (moments ago): “It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid.”

What they’re really saying: “There is no doubt that, with my good looks, if I went to prison they would turn me into swiss cheese.”


Steve (19 hours ago): “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

What they’re really saying: “I’m going to do it. I’m going to f-ck a clown.”


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