Decoding the Facebook: Super Bowl Edition!

Find out what your friends are really trying to say this Super Bowl Sunday!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Are you suffering from obscure Facebook status updates? Well, fret no more with CRAVE Online’s Decoding the Facebook Series! We take some of the most boring, annoyingly-vague Facebook status updates and translate them into more realistic language.

This week, we concentrate on the event that everyone’s talking about: THE SUPER BOWL And rest assured, there is no shortage of moronic, dumb Facebook updates all over the place.

Take a look:

 

Rachel (moments ago): I don’t know why everyone has to knock Madonna — she’s a living legend!

What they’re really saying: I hope when I’m 53 I can still crush a walnut with my vagina.

 

Dan (15 minutes ago): Taking a shot for every missed Eli Manning pass.

What they’re really saying: I’m driving home drunk! Come and get me Burbank Police!

 

Stacey (about an hour ago): I can’t eat any more wings!

What they’re really saying: I only have a quarter roll of toilet paper at home!

 

Mike (30 minutes ago): LET”SK GOfsO!!!! PATRIOTTIS!

What they’re really saying: We ran out of beer, so I started drinking the sh-t under the sink.

 

Becca (about an hour ago): Does anyone else think Tom Brady looks like Dexter?

What they’re really saying: I want to f-ck Tom Brady.

 

Chuck (yesterday): Who give’s a damn about the “East Coast Bowl?”

What they’re really saying: I really had my fingers crossed the Rams were gonna go all the way.

 

Lindsay (moments ago): Bob Costas has a sexy voice!

What they’re really saying: Bob Costas sounds like my dad.

 

Bobby (two hours ago): I give you your 2012 Super Bowl champs – THE NY GIANTS!! This is the GREATEST moment in sports history! God Bless the NY GIANTS!

What they’re really saying: I have to go to work at Burger King early tomorrow. My life sucks.

 

Steph (45 minutes ago): Aww, poor Bill Belichick! I feel so bad for him.

What they’re really saying: He should have cheated like the old days, then he wouldn't be so sad!

 

Check back to CRAVE Online for more Decoding the Facebook!