Are you suffering from obscure Facebook status updates? Well, fret no more with CRAVE Online’s Decoding the Facebook Series! We take some of the most boring, annoyingly-vague Facebook status updates and translate them into more realistic language.
This week, we concentrate on the event that everyone’s talking about: THE SUPER BOWL And rest assured, there is no shortage of moronic, dumb Facebook updates all over the place.
Take a look:
Rachel (moments ago): I don’t know why everyone has to knock Madonna — she’s a living legend!
What they’re really saying: I hope when I’m 53 I can still crush a walnut with my vagina.
Dan (15 minutes ago): Taking a shot for every missed Eli Manning pass.
What they’re really saying: I’m driving home drunk! Come and get me Burbank Police!
Stacey (about an hour ago): I can’t eat any more wings!
What they’re really saying: I only have a quarter roll of toilet paper at home!
Mike (30 minutes ago): LET”SK GOfsO!!!! PATRIOTTIS!
What they’re really saying: We ran out of beer, so I started drinking the sh-t under the sink.
Becca (about an hour ago): Does anyone else think Tom Brady looks like Dexter?
What they’re really saying: I want to f-ck Tom Brady.
Chuck (yesterday): Who give’s a damn about the “East Coast Bowl?”
What they’re really saying: I really had my fingers crossed the Rams were gonna go all the way.
Lindsay (moments ago): Bob Costas has a sexy voice!
What they’re really saying: Bob Costas sounds like my dad.
Bobby (two hours ago): I give you your 2012 Super Bowl champs – THE NY GIANTS!! This is the GREATEST moment in sports history! God Bless the NY GIANTS!
What they’re really saying: I have to go to work at Burger King early tomorrow. My life sucks.
Steph (45 minutes ago): Aww, poor Bill Belichick! I feel so bad for him.
What they’re really saying: He should have cheated like the old days, then he wouldn't be so sad!
Check back to CRAVE Online for more Decoding the Facebook!