Decoding the Facebook: Valentine’s Day Edition!

Suffering from obscure Facebook updates on Valentine’s Day? Fret no more!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

It’s annoying, egocentric, and lame. Especially on the day of love: Valentine’s Day. Everyone thinks they’re so special sharing how happy they are in vague status updates on Facebook. 

But, there’s a solution for figuring out what you4 friends are really trying to say.  And the solution is right here! Through scientific science, we here at Crave Online have developed a useful little guide to help you decipher your friend’s obscure Facebook statii.

Decoding the Facebook: Valentine’s Day Edition.

Take a look!

 

Dan (yesterday): Little does she know, someone got her two tickets to the Bolshoi ballet!

What they’re really saying: Three hours of awful theatre followed by the best sex imaginable.

 

Rachel (about an hour ago): I’ve eaten so much Valentine’s chocolate today I can hardly see straight!

What they’re really trying to say: Welcome to the wonderful world of type-II diabetes.

 

Bobby (17 hours ago): Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone, wishing you the best!

What they’re really saying: I’ve never been so horribly alone. Where’s the Jergens?

 

Samantha (two days ago): Finger’s crossed for a great Valentine’s day this year!

What they’re really saying: If Dan doesn't get me those tickets to the Bolshoi I’m going to cut his d*ck off.

 

Trevor (3 hours ago): Heaven help the wicked on Valentine’s day.

What they’re really saying: Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got a knife, get into my van.

 

Mike (yesterday): If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on baby let me know!

What they’re really saying: A couple of grainy photos taken by my iPhone in my bathroom mirror – surely this will attract some hot ladies on craigslist!

 

Stephanie (moments ago): Best V-day ever with my two best friends, Tom & Jerry!

What they’re really saying: Eating makes me feel less lonely.

 

Justin (6 hours ago): This holiday is a made-up piece of crap conspiracy by the illuminati and hallmark!

What they’re really saying: I’ve never kissed a girl.

 

Steve (moments ago): Dear Stacey, will you marry me?

Stacey changed her relationship status to Single

 

Happy V-Day from CRAVE Online!