There’s a Fight Club on your own personal internet, people! Scraped from the bottom of your very own Photobuckets is a bloody brawl of fake slaps, anime gifs and hardcore celebrity booboos waiting for your attention to make them grand champeen! Relive that schoolyard brawl and gather round as we explore 7 people getting hit in the face:
Pure PBR-fuelled misdirection! Have these stinkers just dropped their Dropkick Murphys wallet chains? These boys have made gutter-punk friendly fire seem like a graceful mystery, like two statues carved by Rodin that are more than likely simply staring at boobs that are just out of frame.
Calm Husky Jesus is Calm
If you had a pie flying at your face and you were the Messiah, you’d have little choice but to take it and turn the other cheek. Y’know, the one without pie on it. Given the size of the guy’s Dickies, something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s had a dessert plummet toward his pie-hole. Honestly Atheists…there must be a more dignified way to declare that there is no God with pastries.
Bitter Beerface Spock Slap
It’s one thing to receive a pimp-slap from an androgynous skinhead, but another entirely when you’re the last of your kind, according to the new JJ Abrams continuity! The Vulcan who has transcended time and space looks like he just snorted a line of rotten milk off of a Klingon’s taint.
Hyperspace Shoryuken Bam Margera 2023
Man, Bam Margera looks old as hell. One can only wonder if this is the long-overdue retribution of Phil, finally accessing the forbidden secrets of Street Fighter II to lay the heat-down on his son who by that year will be stapling his nipples together at county fairs across Alabama. Hey people, Steve-O is dating an Italian supermodel – anything can happen.
Flying Mutant Basketball Witch Melinda
Melinda Wilke was on the verge of making the junior varsity girl’s basketball team when a bolt of radioactive lightning gave her special powers, mutating her into MEGAMEL! Yes, MegaMel: the teen who gains the power of flight by sapping the energy from players of rival schools straight out of their faces! God, if you only you could hear the cries of disappointment from the parents of her victims in the bleachers. MegaMel recently quit her job at Godfather’s Pizza and has turned to Teen Wolf for guidance.
Calm Husky Jesus Fails to Stop Riot at Living History Farms
Oh, Calm Husky Jesus, have these humans no shame? First you must endure pies, and now the fake blacksmith who is addicted to funnel cakes is laughing at you! Why has your Father done this to you? Look, I know that no matter what trials you endure—from desserts to failed actors who begrudgingly teach history—you will always have a place in our hearts…when you get hit in the face.
The Classic: Beiber Hit by a Water Bottle for Ten Hours
This is the Jimi Hendrix of facial hits on the internet, but luckily we don’t have to wait 40 years for a vault reissue for some extended play! The next time you get fired from a job, just remember that you can enjoy the first day of unemployment by watching some of the greatest programming on earth – 600 glorious minutes of a frail poon-hound getting hurt when he thinks that people should adore him most.