Decoding the Facebook: Mourning

Find out what your friends are really trying to say!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Suffering from obscure Facebook status updates? Well worry no more with CRAVE’s own DECODING The FACEBOOK series.

It’s hard to grieve. And now with the advent of social media, it’s possible to share your mourning with all your friends and family. What was once a private process is now out there for all the world to see. We here at CRAVE have developed a helpful guide to figuring out what your friends are really trying to express!

 

Monica (yesterday): Goodbye Grandma. I’m going to miss the sweetest woman I’ve ever known.

What they’re really trying to say: “There goes my last racist relative, whew!”

 

Brad (2 hours ago): He was a good dog. I’ll miss him a bunch. So long, good friend!

What they’re really trying to say: “Well old best friend, I’m buying your replacement tomorrow morning!”

 

Rachel (moments ago): I would like everyone to remember a very good man who left us 73 years ago…

What they’re really trying to say: “You’ll be missed Adolf!”

 

Dan (17 hours ago): How come when someone famous dies they have all these die-hard fans all of a sudden? What a bunch of phonies!

What they’re really trying to say: “RIP Salute Your Shorts (1991-1992)”

 

Michelle (15 minutes ago): Why is it so hard to say goodbye?

What they’re really trying to say: “That’s it. I’m done with The Walking Dead.  I’m sick of watching my favorite characters getting their heads blown of.”

 

Bryan (yesterday): I’ve never wondered what the world would be like without my Uncle Paul until now.

What they’re really trying to say: “Finally I can sleep soundly without worrying who will crawl into bed with me.”

 

Stephanie (moments ago): Herbie, my goldfish, has disappeared. I will miss you wherever you may be.

What they’re really trying to say: “My cat looks mysteriously fatter.”

 

Steve (5 hours ago): I will always love my parents, no matter what. I’m proud to be their son, and wish them long life and happiness for the rest of their days.

What they’re really trying to say: “Sole beneficiary on the will? Check.”

 

Kimmy (2 hours ago): I will always wonder what could have been.

What they’re really trying to say: “I have to remember to get my birth control prescription filled!”

 

Keep it tuned to CRAVE for more Decoding the Facebook!