Baseball: A Hilarious Historical Timeline

Impress your friends opening day with this hilarious baseball trivia!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Opening day is upon us. Yankees fans are are making drunken boisterous predictions, Chicago fans are sighing with shame, and that Jose Canseco is shoving anabolic steriods up his own rectum. This is the wonder that is America's favorite pasttime.

But did you know that there is history to baseball?  There sure is. And a good 10% is actually interesting. Why not kick back, enjoy a tall, frosty beer, and catch up on some great, hilarious BASEBALL TRIVIA!

Take a look:


1839 – Abner Doubleday is credited with inventing the sport. The Yankees are off to an early lead by signing every one who had ever heard of the game.

1845 – After six merciless and bloody years, rules are finally applied.

1861 – After a disagreement about an infield pop fly, the Civil war begins.

1867 – Candy Cummings invents the curve ball. And would later go one to have a lucrative stripper career.

1876 – After a bitter showdown and Little Big Horn Stadium, General Custer and his men are butchered.

1900 – “The American League” is created to piss off Canadian baseball fans.

1903 – The first World Series is played between the Boston Witch Burners and the Pittsburg Chinamen… it was a different time.

1905 – Ty Cobb plays his first game and stabs a guy and sleeps with three women during the 7th inning stretch.

1906 – The regular Baseball season is cut down to 846 games per year.

1908 – The Chicago Cubs in their first and only World Series. 104 years later, proud Chicagoans remember the win fondly as they commit suicide.

1910 – President Taft attended opening day and sets the hotdog eating record at 83.

1912 – Fenway “paawk” opens, die-hard Boston fans proclaim a “wicked-pissah” dynasty on the horizon.

1912 – The Titanic fails to make it to New York for opening day.

1916 – Jimmy Claxton is fired when it is discovered that he comes from African heritage. There went the league’s best player.

1919 – The Black Sox World Series scandal rocks the baseball world. No one has ever gambled on baseball since.

1920 – Prohibition starts. Attendance drastically drops once people start viewing the game sober.

1922 – Babe Ruth has a record setting three heart attacks during a game.

1925 – Lou Gehrig joins the Yankees. Nothing bad ever happens to him again.

1935 – The first night game is played. It is called after the second inning when the only ball is hit into Old Man Wither’s backyard. 

1935 – Ted Williams debuts after being cryogenically unfrozen.

1941 – Pearl Harbor’s Baseball Team lineup is empty for some odd reason.

1943 – The All-American Girls Pro Baseball League is formed.  Tom Hanks fails to sleep with Geena Davis.

1947 – The World Series is televised for the first time. Snickers runs a controversial commercial warning of the dangers of catching polio from homosexuals.

1948 – Babe Ruth dies at the old age of 27.

1951 – Mickey Mantle comically trips over a drainpipe on field. The crowd roars with laughter at his career stifling injury. Millions watch on old-timey Youtube.

1957 – The Dodgers and Giants move to California. New Yorkers send them off with a friendly “go f*ck yourselves.”

1960 – Baseball discovers Puerto Rico.

1960 – Ebbets Field is torn down. Thousands of stepparents have nowhere to awkwardly bond with their new children.

1961 – Roger Maris breaks Babe Ruth’s home run record. Children are disgusted with the awul-tasting "Maris" Candy Bars. "Snap into a Maris" fails to catch on. 

1963-Present – Baseball fights to uphold civil rights as players of all races and backgrounds are openly hated by their own cities.

1973 – George Steinbrenner buys the New York Yankees and the Moon all in one year.

1977 – Reggie Jackson instructs the .44 Caliber Killer “Son of Sam” to go on a murder spree in the Bronx.

1981 – Baseball goes on strike for two months. No one really notices.

1985 – Pete Rose breaks Ty Cobb’s hit record. Finally, Pete Rose has an in with the WWF.

1998 – Mark Maguire does steroids openly during game play.


CRAVE ONLINE is a Cy Young Award Winner in ’86,’92, and ’02.