Decoding the Facebook: Excitement!

Suffering from obscure Facebook status updates? Well, worry no more with DECODING THE FACEBOOK!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

They used to say that the face is the window into the soul. Now, it's your facebook status. And in case you haven't noticed, people can be very vague when it comes to thier own postings.

Luckily, we here at CRAVE have devised a helpful little guide to help you figure out what you friends are really trying to say!

Welcome to DECODING THE FACEBOOK: EXCITEMENT!

 

Angela (yesterday): New puppy day! New puppy day! New puppy day!

What they’re really trying to say: Gerbil? Dead. Hamster? Dead. Cat? Forgot it was hiding in the dryer. Hopefully this one will pay off!

 

Bill (moments ago): Job Interview tomorrow! Things are looking up!

What they’re really trying to say: Now, if I can only find a way to cover up my Nickleback tattoo.

 

Chrissy (two hours ago): It turned blue! I’m pregnant!

What they’re really trying to say: Let the binge drinking begin!

 

Steve “Too Shitz” (17 hours ago): Oh my god, I won tickets to Insane Clown Posse! This is going to be the greatest weekend ever!

What they’re really trying to say: I really hope I can get off work at Burger King for this. That b*tch Latania better lemme have my PTO.

 

Rachel (about an hour ago): Hotel reservations and sexy lingerie! I’m going to make this an anniversary Ted will never forget.

What they’re really trying to say: Did I mention the butt plug? Welcome to my world now, mother*cker.

 

Mike (5 hours ago): First date tonight. Finger crossed! I can’t wait to meet the future woman of my dreams. I heard she looks like a Hollywood actress!

What they’re really trying to say: Tilda Swinton is a hot Hollywood actress, right?

 

Sasha (2 days ago): Booked my flights for Somalia. Excited to bring Jesus and the book of Mormon to all the people there.

What they’re really trying to say: I would like to leave my teddy bear collection to my little sister. My piano to uncle Jeff. And my bedroom to our family’s new puppy after I die.

 

Dan (yesterday): After only seven weeks, I think my beard is really starting to come in.

What they’re really trying to say: I think I ran over a little kid last night when I was driving home from work.

 

Amber (moments ago): I just accepted to Harvard. I’m going to Harvard! Can you believe that?

What they’re really trying to say: It’s like I’m not even in a wheelchair anymore.

 

CRAVE ONLINE est. 1492.