Decoding the Facebook: Summer Blockbusters Edition!

Figure out what your friends are really trying to say about this summer’s biggest releases!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

The season of the movie franchise is upon us. Right this very moment, studio heads and execs are twiddling their fingers with anticipation at the possible box office receipts from this summer’s biggest releases.  Avengers, Dark Knight Rises, Prometheus, MIB III – all of them are waiting to take your money, and the buzz on sites like Facebook is no different.

But have you ever noticed that people don’t say what they really mean on Facebook, and more often than not status updates are more of a “look at me” gesture than genuine thought and feeling? Well worry no more with CRAVE’s own DECODING THE FACEBOOK series.

Take a look:


Mindy (about an hour ago): Snow White and the Huntsman looks like it could really, really awesome!

What they’re really trying to say: “Maybe if I work hard enough I can have the acting skills of a lemur like Kristen Stewart.”


Todd (2 hours ago): Prometheus! Prometheus! Prometheus!

What they’re really trying to say: “I have no f*cking clue what this movie is about, but I do know that if it sucks I’m going write a really mean blog about it. Suck it, Ridley Scott!”


Rachel (yesterday): There is only one movie you need to see this summer… Twilight, bitches.

What they’re really trying to say: “I love twilight because I’m 42, single, and my uterus has been corrupted by decades of anxiety about uterus corruption.“


Forrest (17 hours ago): Save yourselves the long lines and get a little culture by seeing a independent movie at an INDPENDANT THEATRE!

What they’re really trying to say: “Who cares about massive robots kicking the shit out of each other when you can see a Lithuanian movie about domestic abuse staring Poland’s biggest soap star!”


Margo (15 minutes ago): Does anyone know of any good films for a nice Christian family to go and see?

What they’re really trying to say: “I know you’re out there and you can hear me Mel Gibson.”


Dan (moments ago): Just got my tickets to the midnight screening of Madagascar 3! Who’s with me?

What they’re really trying to say: “Not allowed to go within 500 yards of a school, but this is the next best thing!”


Stacy (4 hours ago): Is it just me or does Battleship look like Transformers on the water? Why should anyone care about this?

What they’re really trying to say: “Why the hell am I getting mad about this, I know I’m going to see it anyway.”


Mike (yesterday):  So sick of all these huge CGI blockbusters. Ick! Who cares? I just want some good laughs!

What they’re really trying to say:  “Adam Sandler will reign supreme this summer!”


Jackie (moments ago): Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will change the way we think about movies!

What they’re really trying to say: “This films combines everything I love about movies: history, karate, vampires, and slavery!”


Just when you thought it was safe to get back into CRAVE ONLINE…