Decoding the Facebook: Graduation Edition!

Find out what your friends are really trying to say before they enter the real world!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Chances are you know someone who is about to graduate from highschool or college and enter the real world for the first time. Good on them. We did and look where it got us! And what better way to share thier excitement about graduation with people all over the world than to update thier Facebook status with some dumb update. 

But we here at CRAVE have developed a helpful little guide to help you figure out what your friends are really trying to say about thier coming graduation. It may be a little more real than you think. 

Take a looksie!

 

Rachel (yesterday): Cap? Check. Gown? Check. Arizona State here I come! So excited for freshman year of college!

What they’re really trying to say: What has two thumbs and enough birth control to kill a face hugger alien? This girl.

 

Brad (14 hours ago): You’re looking at the proud holder of a BA in English.

What they’re really trying to say: You’re looking at the next future manager of a circuit city in about 25 years.

 

Misty (moments ago):  Although Mike and I are going to different schools across the country we’re going to make it work!

What they’re really trying to say: I’m going to be knee-deep in keystone light cans and frat boys before rush week is over!

 

Mike (moments ago): That’s my girl, Misty!

What they’re really trying to say: Little does she know I got her best friend pregnant. But I’ll still be able to go to college, right?

 

Stacy: (12 hours ago): I HAVE ONE MORE FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY AN ANTHROPOLOGIST!

What they’re really trying to say: I have one more final before I am officially living back at my parent’s house!

 

Dan (15 minutes ago): Can’t wait to get out of this hell hole. Best years of your life, my ass. Suck it, college.

What they’re really trying to say: You know the guy that got picked on even in college? Yeah, I’m your boss at Sears.

 

Mikeala (about an hour ago): Kimmy, Tracy, Adelaide – I’m really going to miss my college BFFs!

What they’re really trying to say: Kimmy, you have big pores. Tracy, you smell like ass. And Adelaide, I screwed your boyfriend.

 

Forrest (2 hours ago): WHOOO!!! I’m gonna be so hammered at graduation! I’m outta here, b*tches!!!

What they’re really trying to say: Now that college is over, I’m going to get wasted every day! And it’s going to be even better since I don’t have to go to class!

 

Chrissy (two days ago): Real world here I come!

What they’re really trying to say: $150,000 in debt from student loans and a internship at Trader Joes is all I have to show for my agricultural degree. God bless America!

 

CRAVE ONLINE graduated Summa Cum Laude from Rutgers in 1988.