Elijah Wood Will Star in ‘Speed at a Piano’

For once, we don't wish we were making this up.

William Bibbianiby William Bibbiani


Let's get the obvious out of the way.

In what originally sounded like a joke, it seems that Elijah Wood has been cast in Grand Piano, a thriller described as "Speed at a piano." Wood will play a concert pianist with stage fright who finds a threatening letter on his piano right before his comeback concert, forcing him to do the performance of his career in order to save the life of his wife. If it sounds like Unfaithfully Yours meets Speed, congratulations, you've seen Unfaithfully Yours, and you're a total badass. Unless you've only seen the remake, in which case you have bigger problems than this baffling Speed knock-off.

Grand Piano (easily the least suspenseful thriller title since Lakeview Terrace), comes to you courtesy of Adrian Guerra and Rodrigo Cortes, who also produced the low-budget/kinda-high-concept thriller Buried, which starred Ryan Reynolds as a man who has been buried alive. Hollywood Reporter reveals that Eugenio Mira (The Birthday) will direct from a script written by Damien Chazelle, who is also writing The Last Exorcism 2, which unfortunately will not be titled The Second-to-Last Exorcism. The script will have to be sharp indeed, or else this movie will be very, very flat. 

These are the jokes, people.

CraveOnline will be back with more Grand Piano news after we pitch our version for pre-teens: Baby Grand.