Decoding the Facebook: Summer Break Edition

Suffering from obscure Facebook status updates this summer break? Worry no more!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Why go outside when you have Facebook to help you keep you company all summer long? Why go to the beach when you can stay inside and wonder if Janice Dickinson got that sweet 'poke' you sent her? And more with the option to update your status via your phone, iPad, or personal computer — you can let the whole world know what your doing. All while trying to sound mysterious and cool by updating your status with obscure prose passages. 

Thankfully, we here at CRAVE, with all the knowledge and power of 1,000 lifetimes behind us, have helped develop a little quiz to let you know what your Facebook friends are really trying to say: DECODING THE FACEBOOK.

Take a look:

 

Brian (about an hour ago): School’s out FOR SUMMER! School’s out FOREVER!

What they’re really trying to say: I just picked up my copy of Diablo III and I will see you good people next September.

 

Michelle (yesterday): NANANANANANA BEACH DAY!

What they’re really trying to say: Are sharks more likely to attack when you’re on your period? Oh well, here goes nothing!

 

Rachel (6 hours ago): Summer time just means Twilight: Breaking Dawn 2 is getting closer.

What they’re really trying to say: I ate a lot of mercury as a child.

 

Steve (moments ago): Watching the cubbies play the dodgers @ 2. Feels good to just relax.

What they’re really trying to say: I’m gonna eat so many chicken wings I’m gonna crap my pants.

 

Sandra (2 hours ago): Who loves short shorts? I love short shorts!

What they’re really trying to say: Who needs to wax some pubes? I need to wax some pubes!

 

Mike (8 hours ago):  Anyone want to head down to the park and shoot hoops?

What they’re really trying to say: Anyone want to head down to the park and shoot hoops before any black people show up and we have to shamefully quit because we suck?

 

Destiny (9 hours ago): I hate awkward tan lines!

What they’re really trying to say: I shouldn’t have let Mike put sunscreen on me in the shape of a swastika.

 

Forrest (10 hours ago): Working all day down at the Amusement park. Come down and say hi!

What they’re really saying: Seriously, only, three kids have been crushed by the Shockwave this year. It’s totally safe!

 

Dina (yesterday): Summer is here, let the Corona flow!

What they’re really trying to say: I’m gonna get so f*cking wasted, I’m going to take birth control like it was f*cking skittles.

 

There is no CRAVE ONLINE, only Zuul.