You made the biggest mistake of your life when you turned on Netflix last week. You and your man were going to settle in for an evening of beer, drugs, and sex. Maybe you were even going to call that sexy neighbor who is “currently going on a sexual rampage” and invite them over to join in your consensual sensual romp.
But then he saw My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on the instant stream.
“Hey, let’s watch this stupid kiddie show!” He said jokingly, “I hear everyone’s talking about it, isn’t it funny grown men watch this stuff?”
You agree to watch an episode, thinking that it would be great fodder to "get high" to. But then an hour passes…maybe two…and finally, when you’re fruitlessly petting the crotch of his jeans you’ll glance up to your man’s face and see this…
…sorry, but you’ve already lost him. There is no sex. Only Brony.
But being in a relationship with a Brony can be fun! They’re oftentimes openminded, spirited, and love collaboration. And friendship. They love the s*** out of friendship. So here are 5 little tips that will help keep your relationship with your Brony funky fresh:
1. Pay attention to which pony is his favorite
Is he a Pinky Pie guy or a Twilight fan? Is he butch like Rainbow Dash, or does he lean politically right like Applejack? Also establish which pony he thinks you are. It could really help you figure out why he suddenly wants to give you gemstones if he feels you’re the Rarity to his Spike.
2. He will not leave you for Lauren Faust
If you keep hearing about how “Lauren is soo great” or “I wish I could be with Lauren” know that he’s talking about the key executive producer of MLP:FIM (get those acronyms right!) and not the woman he's fooling around with on the side. For my homosexual male readers this might not apply as much, but I'm sure even you could get a little jealous. You're getting jealous right now just thinking about it!
She is a pretty, redheaded, smart lady so she might seem like perfect nerd boy fodder, but don’t worry! She has one weakness: she’s not a pony. Your boyfriend could care less!
3. Familiarize yourself with his change in language
“Everybody” is now “Everypony"
“Lend me a hand” is now “Lend me a hoof”
“Christmas" is now “Hearth’s Warming Eve"
I’ll leave it up to you to discover what “clopping” is…here's a hint: keep safe search on
4. No, he’s not a Furry
Though he might be interested in you dressing up on occassion…(via)
5. Watch it with him!
Trust me, after watching a few episodes, he’ll be ready to create some magic with you too! SEX JOKE!
Note: The author is a self identified brony himself and will not hesitate to defend the show, its characters, and the principles of friendship. Completely unrelated to this article is his podcast, Historectomy, a funny show about history and the comedy that insues.
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