Man Irate Over ‘Bi-Sexual’ Buckeye

One man wants Brutus the Buckeye gone after finding out his sexual orientation. James LeBeau chimes in from the 'Buckeye' state.

James LeBeauby James LeBeau

With the Ohio State Buckeyes football team on the cusp of a season where they are not going to be Bowl eligible, the morale of the school and the squad isn't exactly setting record highs. Now, to add insult to injury, it looks like they have to deal with the mockery and ridicule of having a mascot that is inherently bi-sexual; a biological fact that has one man up in arms and demanding a change in our state tree which the mascot is based on.

OK, before we go any farther, it's an almost certainty that the letter below, as reported via Deadspin.com, is nothing more than a lighthearted attempt to get a laugh or two, but there is a small possibility that the 'gentleman' who wrote this is entirely serious. It's that small sliver of potential honest indignation that adds that extra big of comic zing to this potentially unintentional humor gold mine.

The following letter was originally published in the 'Letters to the Editor' section of TheCourier.com on June 6.

Something in the "Just Ask" column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, "the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species."

 I couldn't believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that "the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers."

The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, "buckeyes." But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!

I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term "buckeye" as a nickname for residents of Ohio.

Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?

Jim Flechtner, Findlay

Apparently, if you want to be particular, the Ohio Buckeye is technically a 'hermaphrodite' plant in that it does posses both male and female flower parts. But come on, it's just a plant! You are not going to find it making low budget porn or attempting to sway innocent people into some 'sin-filled' lifestyle, and I hardly think that 'God' is up in arms about the reproduction values of a noncognitive organism.

However, that being said, there is one potential issue here, Should Brutus the Buckeye change his name and appearance to represent both sides of the sexes? Personally, Brutus with a bra might be an interesting development, though potentially the major corruption point of my immortal soul.

James LeBeau is a sports contributor for CraveOnline Sports and you can follow him on Twitter @JleBeau76 or subscribe on Facebook.com/CraveOnlineSports.