At some point in their life, everyone wishes they were a superhero. But what would you actually do with these powers? Luckily, we here at CRAVE have engineered a little test to help you figure out if you’re ready for the great power and responsibility.
1.) You’re grocery shopping and the price of avocados doesn’t match the price of the Sunday advertisement. You:
a.) Calmly bring the discrepancy to the store manager.
b.) Don’t make a peep and pay full price.
c.) Slam the avocado bin on the ground and storm out of the store.
d.) Use your super speed to turn back the rotation of the earth to the early fifties when avocados were viewed as a petty food of the Latino working class, and only cost a penny.
2. At a bank, you see a customer reach under their shirt before approaching the teller counter; they look like they’re going for a gun. You:
a.) Shout, “GUNNN!!!” at the top of your lungs.
b.) Look awkwardly at the ground.
c.) Jump on the potential perpetrator and try to save the day.
d.) Use your power of invisibility to rob the bank yourself, thereby thwarting the gunman’s plan.
3. At a department store, you see a woman steal a piece of clothing. You:
a.) Alert store security.
b.) Shamefully hide your gaze.
c.) Tackle her to the ground, and wrench the article of clothing from her hands.
d.) Use you x-ray vision to make sure she isn’t wearing any other stolen clothing… or nipple piercings.
4. On a first date, your date orders the most expensive thing on the menu. You:
a.) Smile politely through gritted teeth.
b.) Roll your eyes and huff loudly.
c.) Smile knowing full well you’ll be sexually compensated later on.
d.) Don’t care, as you’ve already had sex with them several times without them knowing it because of your elastic limbs.
5. The IRS notes a few errors on your tax forms and now want to audit you.
a.) Agree to audit without confrontation.
b.) Bitch and moan.
c.) Hole yourself up in your home, Waco-style.
d.) Shoot yourself in the head, knowing full well-your body will regenerate from the wound after the IRS think you’re dead.
6. Your city is experiencing a heat wave. You:
a.) Crank up the AC.
b.) Take a trip to the beach.
c.) Demand that a giant sun-shield be built to protect the city.
d.) Rip all of the fire hydrants out of the ground providing brief relief for the citizen while simultaneously costing them thousands of dollars.
7. For the life of you, you just can’t get this Key lime pie recipe right.
a.) You scour the internet for a new recipe.
b.) Send out a major SOS on Facebook to all your friends for help.
c.) F*ck key lime pie. Make yourself a steak.
d.) Mix your superhero DNA with the key limes, thereby creating a super-powered key lime pie that can only be brought down by the Incredible Hulk and his Key Lime Pie Rage.
8. You accidently hit a little kid on a bike with your car. You:
a.) Call 911.
b.) Perform CPR.
c.) Drive away as fast as you f*cking can.
d.) Use your laser vision to evaporate the body so no one will ever find it.
9. You accidentally rent a rom-com.
a.) Take it back to the video store.
b.) Snap the dvd in half over your knee.
c.) Send Sarah Jessica Parker a hateful tweet.
d.) Fly to Sarah Jessica Parker’s house and freeze it, along with her into a giant ice-block so she can no longer hurt anyone again!
If you answered mostly (a)-(c), you’re not thinking outside the box enough.
If you answered mostly (d), welcome to the Justice League.
CRAVE ONLINE is watching you.