Time to get married to the most famous Scientologist, become one yourself, have a child, realize how crazy and weird that “religion” is, secretly lawyer up, use Scientology’s teachings to escape with your kid and check out these links!
Katie Holmes Uses Scientology Against Itself
In related news, the Scientology Celebrity Center just spontaneously combusted.
50 Shades of Grey Could Lead To Baby Boom
The Stork is really into S&M. [Image via]
San Diego Set Off All Its 4th of July Fireworks At Once
Lifeguard Fired For Rescuing A Swimmer
Don’t go swimming in the “If You Die It’s Your Problem” zone.
56 Things You’ll Learn At The Biggest Christian Music Festival In The World
You can learn how to sweat to the oldies (from over 2000 years ago).
That’s all for this edition of The Big List. Join us next week, unless I'm kidnapped by Scientologists.
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!